Need to vent
Been in a relationship for 9 years now! Like every relationship we have our ups and downs. However the last 2 years have been the worse , so bad that I sleep downstairs on the couch in our living room.
im at my wits end and don’t know what to do any more, when we agreed to move back in together we agreed that he would pay for rent and insurance of vehicles I paid all utilities. Mind you he made more $$ than I did! Well he had some health issues come up and we argued till he finally went to a dr, while I was away for work he calls to tell me he quit his job!! The amount of pressure and stress that alone has put on me some days I don’t know how I’m not screaming on the inside!! I figured ok sure he will look for something else, all along I’ve been sitting here last 2 years trying to figure out how to leave because not happy only to feel like I’m stuck since he quit as I now have to pay everything!!!
we find out from dr that there is no chance of him going to work he is disabled, he can’t sit for more than 30 mins at a time he can’t walk for more than 30 mins at a time and he can’t stand for more than 30 mins!! The damage he has to his body is permanent and unrepairable so now I really feel like I’m trapped!!
I just don’t know what to do any more as it is I gave back his vehicle as I couldn’t afford it and struggle to pay for our basic needs! Again I’ve been wanting to leave but now after finding out all this I feel like if I leave …. I just don’t know!!! I can’t talk to him about how I feel because he will begin to accuse me of cheating when nothing is going on but in his mind there is! It’s sad that I’ve even told him we aren’t even together in a relationship, what we have is I’m a caretaker/roommate that pays cleans and cooks for him! There hasn’t been any “relationship” between us in over 2 almost 3 years…
thanks for listening to my rambling
That sounds like a tough situation. I'm sorry. I hope you're able to find some peace soon.
I don't know what I would do for sure. I think I'd stay if we were married because, you know...in sickness and in health.
if not, I wouldn't wanna stay in a situation where I'm financially strained like that. I'm already financially strained as a single person. I couldn't imagine paying for an adult too. He should be able to get on disability and possibly qualify for a PCA to come into the home to help. Even then, disability isn't that much. We'd have to cut expenses.
Yeah no we are not married! I think I just wear my heart on my sleeve an people take advantage! The other problem is he won’t cut any more costs on anything an because the house that we live in (rented) is in his name he refuses to move to something I can afford!
He refuses to move to something you can afford?! That's ridiculous. He's not the one paying for it, so why does he get the final say? Ugh, I'm frustrated for you. I hope you find a solution to this situation.
@Lexigurl87 Your message gives me a lot of perspective. I've been living with my ex for over 3 years and i can't seem to leave him cause of my abandonment issues from being adopted and also cause of my disabilitiy. I try to tell myself that this Is MY life, and put my trust in God but it is hard.
Yeah I’ve been doing the same for 9 like I said I just can’t do it any longer I’m doing everything to change things but when it comes time I don’t know if I’ll b able to
That's really rough. Does he have anyone else in his life who can support him? Like family or friends? It sounds like he expects you to take on unrealistic financial burdens you can't carry and is unwilling to meet you halfway.
Despite his condition, you are not obligated to stay. The same would be true if you were married. It is up to you what you want to do. If you want to end things, of course, it will be difficult and you may be tempted to feel guilty, but the alternative is either he meets you halfway or he doesn't and you wind up staying another three more years feeling even more taken advantage of and resentful than before.
He has no one!! His family he wants nothing to do with nor do they with him and he has no friends! Meeting half way isn’t in his vocabulary
in fact we don’t even agree when it comes to my oldest daughter and her seeing her dad he thinks I can just block him an not let her see him!! I’m like I can’t do that. It’s no concern of his I told him an he just says I’m not dealing with it an I tell him he do t has nothing to do with him but unless I do wat he says I get treated like shot from him too
@Lexigurl87 Hi, I was in a similar situation. I just ended my second marriage. He was nice, but like you were saying, it felt like I had another son or a roommate. The sad part is I spent years being utterly miserable but questioning myself like, is there some way I can change myself to make this acceptable? I always believed that a bad marriage was cheating, drugs, etc., and I felt guilty about wanting to leave. I didn't want to hurt him, but it was killing me! My life isn't as exciting as I had imagined, but at least I'm free.
Your feelings are valid, and he will be okay. I'm wishing you the best!
Did you ever confront him and talk to him about how you felt?