Pressure cooker
I feel weird posting to complete strangers, but I beed to get this of my chest.
We lost our daughter six years ago. After 2 miscarriages I finally got pregnant again. She was our third, but she was born too early and we only got to keep her for 36 days. We cried, had a funeral and that was that. Every year we buy her a little present for her birthday and have cake. I feel thats important for my girls to do. Me and my husband never spoke about it, he told me that we are not having any more kids, and that was that. No discussion. I can't talk to him about my feelings, he has the tendency to take everything the wrong way. So for the last six years I would keep my feelings in, until I explode. I wil then have a good cry and carry on. Like releasing the pressure in a pressure cooker. Now it's March, my babies birthday is the 28th. It's a tough month. I don't have anyone to talk to and I feel like the pressure is too much to release. To make things worse, I recently bumped into my ex. I didn't speak to him,but it brought up a ton of feelings. I need help. Advice. A big shoulder. Help
@Mienievd
Have you tried the 7Cups chat rooms ?
I am inviting you to the 7Cups Sharing Circle chat room.
Dear @Mienievd
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine your pain. My heart goes out to you and your husband. You are so strong for carrying your pain and all those years. I honestly think there has to be a way to share your feelings with your husband or this pressure will drag you apart and damage your relationship. Maybe you can talk him into couples counselling. Having a trained professional to guide tgr communication may help. I know it's not easy to get him to open up to therapy but if he can see how it's hurting you and eventually hurting the relationship, then he may cooperate.
I wish you all the best. You can text me anytime if you need to talk. I'm a mother of two and can listen to you anytime.
All the best. Take care.
@Mienievd
My condolences on your loss.
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Have you tried using the 7Cups chat rooms for support ?
I am inviting you to join me in the 7Cups Sharing Circle chat room.
My deepest condolences @Mienievd
That is a lot of loss and grief to carry with you everyday. Remember that its good to grieve, feel sad and to mourn your loss. You aren't doing anything wrong.
I also feel sorry for your husband too. It sounds like he is grieving too but in a very different way. When pain is too intense, many people try and shut it out to make life more bearable.
But grief needs to be shared, processed and lived with. You've done an important step by sharing it here with us all. I hope the next few weeks are ok for you and your family.
@Mienievd
Welcome. Anniversaries are often hard when we have lost someone. i see you have gotten some good feedback for the most part. I did want to add that men tend grieve differently than women do. For men, grief is usually private, internal, and handled solo, whereas women tend to be more expressive with their grief, probably because females tend to be given more leeway with openly expressing sadness and tears and so forth. For men, it's not as socially sanctioned or welcome, so guys tend to turn inward. They also tend to channel their grief into something hands-on, something constructive, something that they can *do* with the energy of their grief. Sometimes that includes going on long hikes, walks, biking, or other physical action.
You say you can't talk to him, and he has arbitrarily concluded no more trying for a baby Since none of us here know your full situation, we can't advise, but just consider that this is his anguish speaking. He may want to keep trying but is afraid of the possible losses mounting and causing more pain for you both. he may be trying to spare you more pain. it's hard to say, when he won't communicate.
You may want to try to find a grief support group for people who have lost children. Depending on where you live there may be one or two around. ❤️
@Mienievd Hey : ) I would be happy to listen to you! If you are comfortable, we could meet in the group support room.
