Social Skills
I am 36/f and feel like I don’t have the best social skills. I was just wondering—how do you know if someone doesn’t want to hang out with you specifically, or whether they just don’t contact anyone in general. Like I have a friend who will hang out if I initiate the plans, so I thought maybe she’s just not good at initiating. But then I got to thinking, maybe she’s just being nice by saying yes and she actually doesn’t really want to be friends? She just doesn’t want to be rude? I don’t know how to tell. I feel lonely because no one ever reaches out to me. It’s always me making the effort. Do other people just not think of friends that much because they’re busy with their families, or do the people who I think are friends actually not like me that much….honestly confused.
@charmingDime1742 I find this difficult to navigate as well. I'm 37/f and I feel like this is a tough time for female friendships. I don't have kids and I appreciate how little free time moms have. They also tend to seek out fellow parents for support and playdates for their kids.
So it could be that this friend likes you and simply doesn't have spare time. It could be that she's just used to you initiating and expects you to do it at this point, which isn't fair but it does happen. Or it could be, as you say, she's just being nice by saying yes.
You might take a step back from initiating and see if she starts. If she does then you know you're friends. If she doesn't it could mean she doesn't have time or she doesn't value the friendship.
Eitherway I'd definitely suggest you avoid one sided relationships and this one sounds that way. I'm sorry you're experiencing this and you're not alone.
Check the INsta and FB feeds. You will feel the vibe lol also…what kinda plans this friend make with you? They ever suggested others join in or u should meet a friend of theirs u don’t know yet? Those things always help me get the vibe.
@charmingDime1742 They don't like you much. It's sad but truth. I'm in a similar situation but on the other side. I'm selective about people. Today, we can't afford to have large groups of friends in contact because of shrinking space between social life and individuality. People are liking to be more alone and even if they choose to be with someone or spend time with someone, they select carefully. People who are left alone are left alone because they failed to make into that list. Don't lose heart, you are not alone in this.
I am 26 and I an basically the same way .. the only thing is I've learn to become my own friend and make plans with myself .. that lonely feel hit hard it even causes ne to be depressed but I bounce back. Always remember the level people keeps u .. of u need I'm here
@charmingDime1742 How about saying in a silly tone, “hey let’s get together again soon, but since I planned the last 3 get togethers, tag you’re it! You plan the next one.”
