So tired
Honestly, I'm not sure of what to say or where to begin.
I guess I'll start with the suspicion that I may have High Functioning Autism. I have never gone for a diagnosis, but I looked up the symptoms which seem quite familiar. It has always been difficult for me to do any sort of socializing. People think that I'm just shy, but it's way more than that.
Due to my anti-social behaviors, I have had few friends, and I shared interests with even fewer. Relationships never work out for me because always seem to be "not what they're looking for". I've always been lonely and (embarrassed to admit) am still a Virginia. My brain always locks up when I get in romantic situations.
Also, I grew up in a very conservative environment and in Pentecostal Christianity.
I eventually did something that I am ashamed of and spent 5 years in prison I am now a registeredsex offenser and I live with my parents. Many friends, even close friends, left me. I just have some family left and a small handful of friends whom I rarely see.
I always found it difficult to find a job as well, but now, it is extremely hard to find one. The one I have now, which I am thankful for (the owner knows and goes to church with my family), but it's a dead end job where I have more responsibilities than what I am paid to have.
I'm an atheist now (only my parents and a couple of friends know) and liberal.
In conclusion, I'm lonely, tired, my life never seems to go right.
(Edited for content by @peaceloveandpaws)
@Onlyaghost00100
I am sorry to hear you've had so many things not turn out the way you've intended over the years. It sounds like you are feeling a lot on pressure coming from a consevative, religious background when your beliefs don't align with church and family teaching. It also sounds like you've experienced a very stressful transition after your release from prison and your employment situation isn't helping matters. The internet can be a wealth of information regarding the autism spectrum. How would you feel about talking with your family doctor about what you've read and how you feel it applies to you? It's possible your doctor would be able to discussion it with you and refer you to resources for a formal diagnosis. In terms of your religious background, would talk therapy be an option for you to consider? If it's something you are interested in, it may be helpful to work with a professional given the amount of stress and pressure you are feeling now.