Still dealing with repercussions

Two months ago I had a bout of depression that turned into a full on psychotic break when I was discovered (stupidly) drinking at work. I was already grappling with suicidal thoughts, so when I freaked out a cop took me away to a mental facility. Whilst he was driving me he was asking me questions about my mental health, and how I would do it if I killed myself. I told him I'd want to just slip away at my favorite place in the world, wanting that to be my last memory.

Flash forward to this past weekend, and I find out that not only was a report filed and an investigation conducted on behalf of the management of that place, I now have an indefinite trespass warning there. I can file an appeal in a year, and I hope they will reverse it, but if it doesn't it'll kill me not to be able to take my family there anymore. I've let everyone down, and I'm just trying to pick up the pieces again. I wish I knew why I was so broken.