Struggling with being a deeply misunderstood outsider
This is the first time I'm seeking out support. I've had many experiences that make me feel like people don't trust me. I'm a minority in a community that seems to look at me with distrust and curiosity. I'm a very optimistic person. I have a ton of confidence and I like helping people overcome whatever it is that's hurting them emotionally. I'm finding it difficult to make friends and gain support. No matter how much kindness I put out there it isn't returned. I feel resistance from everyone I meet. Every job I've held has resulted in me feeling like I was the subject of an inside joke. I'm attractive. I can honestly say I've been very humble about this but I am very beautiful... Women have always made me feel uncomfortable, some have even gone out of their way to bully me. I mention this because I am now realizing how much all these things are affecting my decisions. I'm too afraid to accept positions in my area for the fear of being bullied, sexually harassed, and mistreated in general by co-workers and employers. I'm in a bad relationship with an alcoholic and he supports me financially. I want nothing more than to start over but the idea of having to explain myself to people and try to win them over is exhausting... It's exhausting because I know I will be treated a certain way and I will end up bearing the burden of being the better person and letting others treat me badly. It feels nice to say that.
Having dealt with misunderstanding and isolation myself, I can understand your pain. I still, to this day, try to get other’s approval and trust. I yearn for friends to be at my side and support me whenever I seem to be in a predicament. I am a minority as well, my friend. Also, you have my sympathy for your relationship with your husband. However, I believe there is a light at the end of this cave. Many of your co-workers may not want to get along with you, or maybe they’re swamped thinking about other things in their lives. It’s quite out of our control whether or not we want some people to accept us. But the most crucial part about acceptance is that your work and home aren’t the only places where you can feel accepted. Some weirdos like me won’t care about what or who you are (even your background). I’m not the best at giving advice, but I can help people when they’re feeling crap because I feel like crap every day. To help someone push through life makes me feel like I’m doing something right, and the same is with you. I hoped that helped a little bit… Sorry If I didn’t get you some useful tips…
@JustAndreIGuess12 Thank you so much for the response. Yes, that puts things into a better perspective. Maybe people are just too caught up in their own lives to consider my feelings. It gets more and more isolating as I age and I know I'm not the only one feeling this. I'm just glad I was able to share my thoughts and not be told "you're overreacting". I don't think anyone should have to live with thoughts of shame brought on by others. I've harbored so much guilt for other people's behavior. I'm on the path to seeking therapy and hopefully can learn to stand up for myself in the future. Your words made a difference. I appreciate your existence.