They broke me, for a min

I am the mother of 9 kids. 4 younget are step kids but we have had custody of them since the younger 2 twins were less than a year old. Mother has visitation but that's all she has lost all other rights. She comes and goes. Disappears about 6 7 months then pops back up. When she's in their lives she emotionally and mentally tourneys them. The younger 3 don't even know her as mom they k ow me as mom. She was out of their lives about 1 year this time because she told our at the time 7 year old daddy beat a baby out of her when it's not true and told the at th time 4 year old we went his real family we kidnapped him and are trying to keep them away from her. Then promised them anything they wanted if they would be bad for us. So we said no more. Didn't hear from her for a year now she's back and the judge ordered 3 Un supervised visits and for their counselor to give him notes on the visits and then reinstated her standard visitation. Since the 3 visits the oldest has this horrible attitude don't listen and is struggling allot. And my 4 year old twin daughter is throwing these ungodly tantrums over nothing. I ask her to get dressed and tantrum comes. They are so bad cops have been called. I need help im at my wits end