Venting

@pancake2022

Hey there :)

I just wanted to respond to you and tell you that you are not at all alone in this. I'm not in a relationship like this myself, but my parents are. I read your post and I was shocked how similar you and mother sound when dealing with something like this. I watch her sometimes and I just notice how different she's become because my DAD has become someone else.

He was diagnosed with kidney cancer when I was little. I didn't really know the man he was before, but my mother tells me that I'm so unaware of how sweet and loving he was. Post-cancer (he's fine!) he's a totally different person and that person is all I've ever seen. I have deep-seated daddy issues because of it and I wish I had the words that would make my mother feel less isolated and abandoned by the one man who took a vow to protect her always.

I just want to say that I appreciate your willingness to vent and I hope it makes you feel better to know that we over here feel it too. If you ever need to talk or vent again, let me know! I'm happy to listen.

Thank you

Hi. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I divorced my husband less than a year ago. We were married nine years and my situation was very similar to yours now. My ex has a terrible temper. He would clench his fists, refuse to speak to me, punch things (he broke a bedroom door once by knocking so hard) or emotionally manipulate his way into being the victim. He always had an excuse. His depression, his anxiety medication made him forget things or do things, he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't xyz, etc. I understand that mental health is not an individuals fault, I suffer from an anxiety disorder myself, but it is a person's responsibility. He was military so we moved for his job and I'm so far away from my family and support system, it's simply not feasible for me to access it when I need it.

I refused to see his behavior as abuse. But the truth of the matter is he was manipulating me. He was gaslighting me, so much so I actually went to the doctor for my supposed memory loss. Spoiler: I don't have memory loss. His temper had me on eggshells, even though he never *hit* me.

Then, he grabbed my arm to keep me from leaving a conversation I was uncomfortable with. That grab was aggressive. It was mean. It left bruises. It was at this point they I thought "If this were a true crime documentary, I would be yelling at the TV for this woman to leave. Because she's in danger." and I was right. I left and saw I was on the precipice of his violence. He never got a chance to hurt me, but I know he would have if he could have seen a way to get away with it. Leaving was HARD, I get it. But leaving was the best thing I could have done for myself. Getting out from under that cloud of misery, life looks different now.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to you. I just wanted to share my experience with you and to let you know you are not alone. I understand you. And I see you.

Thank you