Wanting answers I’ll never find
Can anyone answer why it is that it feels like I’m constantly being used, especially by those of the opposite sex. I’m in my late 30’s, been single for over 5 years and every time I meet someone new I hesitate after being hurt so many times before. Each new meet is harder and harder to let down the barriers, but they wait for the barriers to drop then do a 180 and don’t talk to me or wanna know me anymore? Is it just me this happens to or are there others out there in the same boat?
@Your past experiences are evoked, but it's important to distinguish between what was experienced in the past and what is actually happening now.
@hurtingmum308
I believe men and women are being fed this lie that we are equals, meaning that we should be treated the same. Paid the same for same work? Yes. But men and women ARE different. Men are being forced to squash who they are as naturally having the protector instinct. We are feminized and it creates this fake and weak being. No wonder so many men age into people who suck. They aren't women and they can't be me. Women can still be a women and also enjoy the benefits of what makes a man a man.
As I age, all these people are divorced now. Men can't stand this hypocrisy and women can't stand the new pathetic reality of what men have been forced to become. Our society is sick. Really sick. Me even saying this, automatically will make me a target as some chauvinistic pig. Yet, I have a deeply caring and understanding heart and treat people better than any extreme feminist.
The battle lines have been drawn. No one wins. That's because it's not supposed to be a battle. It's supposed to be a partnership where each has a role. Can you imagine if at your work, everyone was the boss and no one had roles? Chaos! That's what marriages are now. Feminists are right that men abused their roles. But it's the abuse that needed to stop, not having agreed upon roles. Generally speaking men and women have different complimentary strengths. Men are no longer allowed to have theirs.
Another huge area of conflict is sex. Both men and women really do want the same thing, just in reverse order. For men, sex is a means to intimacy, at least for mature men. For women, intimacy is what leads to sex. So how do you work out that difference? I believe that is the key to a successful relationship, the key to finding the right partner, how each resolves conflict and differences and how each gives and takes.
It's not just men who fail at relationships. My ex was a 90/10 percent taker to giver. She was very selfish and really opened my eyes to the fact there are just as many bad women as there are bad men. That being "bad" just looks different. And because women tend to be more in the emotional area, it's harder to see and measure, but it's just as destructive. Men, it's easy to spot when we abuse and lose control of our sexual desires.
I fully understand what your saying. I’m a female working in a male industry and I’m looked at as though I know little compared to the males because I am a female, and I get paid less than the males in the same role as me. My last ex used me and verbally abused me. He hung off my ‘coattail’ as the saying goes, like yours it was me looking after him. I paid the rent, bills, bought all the food, did all the cooking and cleaning and did his running around for him and never got a thanx in return, just put down constantly and called names on a regular basis, even around friends. I have never been married, engaged or even proposed to.
Yes this happens to me all the time. But that's because I'm different than a lot of people. But I sleep with men way too fast now... And then it seems like I'm always getting used. If I took my time to get to know somebody this would probably not happen to me.
