Just a hello
I am Jen, I am 38, a mother of 3 children, I work full time and currently in school full time. I am not happy with my current situation in life, I am married to a good person but we are in a living situation that has zapped every last bit of me out of me. Every day is a constant battle to be at least content, most days seem to fail. I often feel that I am in The Darkness and I can barely function. I am so severely unhappy, yet I can’t change my situation right now because I do not want to disrupt my children’s lives. I feel my only option is to try and get my mind to believe things aren’t as they seem, I like to try to imagine living a whole different life. I regret getting married, but I don’t regret my children. It’s an insanely tough spot.
Thank you for sharing this with us here.
Oh sweetie. I have been EXACTLY where you are. I stayed until my children were 19,15, and 13. I stayed for them because he would never, ever let mee take them with me. Please trust me when I say, leaving my children was the most horrible thing anyone could ever go through, and that included them almost dying g in a go cart wreck when they were 3&6. I mean this last 1.5 years has been the darkest ever because they littles turned their backs on me completely because of the brainwashing and narcissism from him. But my divorce was final 2 weeks ago and I'm moving into my own apartment this weekend. My 2 boys have final seen the light and understand why I left and what I did was necessary because for the first time in their lives I am almost genuinely happy. I have to have faith that the princess will come around when she's older . That right now daddys money and disturbing sole attention to her will eventually either run out or die and all the unanswered texts, the silent tears, shattered destroyed feeling i have because I miss her so very much it physically hurts,. I have to believe that dep down she knows I love her and can feel my arms around her even though she has nothing to do with me just 9 miles away from her. Please trust when I say, you just have to walk away. Yes it will feel like your the absolute worst mom in the world. But if you don't do it, you will never find you. Hey it took 1.5 years but I finally have clothes to wear, a car, a boyfriend that loves me, and my 2 boys (who play me and their dad against each other very well for money and such lol) but I have peace. Peace that he is no longer controlling and demanding everything about me. So kiss your babies, pick up your purse, ( and be smarter than I was and take some clothes) and walk the way your heart is directing you. Write them all the time so you can give them letters when they understand better. Text and call them every day even if they ignore you and good luck. I wish I could help you physically but I hope this helps just a little.