My introduction

@creativeSquare8058

Everything will be ok.

Please know that you are not alone. You have support her and you have people who care. As someone who always helps others, this is huge progress for you to reach out for support.

Everything will be ok.

I, too, struggle with feeling like I'm there for everyone else and it's not often times reciprocated. It makes me question my worth and value. I feel that because I have several diagnosis that I have to over-compensate in order to be loved and cared for; almost like I need to just be grateful that somebody loves me. But then I feel resentful and hurt because no one seems to be putting that much effort into me.

I'm learning how to detach from other peoples problems and needs, while remaining loving and affectionate towards them, as well as asking others for help when I need it. This is mainly an issue in my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm starting with small things, but I'm pulling back a little bit on helping him when he hasn't asked me for it. I just listen and respond when its appropriate, but I don't offer a solution or try to fix it unless I'm specifically asked to. You can be supportive by just being there and doing nothing to fix the situation. I also am making it a point to be less available to people and focus on myself--this has been extremely difficult for me. I just keep telling myself that my free time is not my availability, its my time to spend with me.

I make it a point to say no, again, I started with really small things. For example, if my boyfriend wants me to come over at a specific time I will sometimes say no and choose another time, even though I could be there at the time he wanted. I do this because, first, I'm trying to make myself be comfortable saying no (I hate to disappoint him), second, it builds my self confidence and self esteem to not cater to everyone else's desires/needs. My needs are just as important. He will appreciate me more if I don't make myself constantly available to him. When you're always ready to be there for someone, they will unintentionally and often times unknowingly expect it and it'll look a lot like being taken for granted, which lowers your self worth. In this case, by making him wait a little bit longer for me, he will value my time and appreciate me more. He will wait for me, even if he's a little disappointed, this raises my self esteem and makes me feel worthy and valuable because someone waited on me for once. I use to hang out with his friends, almost every Friday because he asked me to, but after a while I found I didn't want to do that every Friday, but was afraid to say no, well finally I started saying no on the days I didn't feel like going, and guess what, he still loves me and didn't act any differently towards me. He missed me while we were apart and it made both of us appreciate each other more. The more you practice this the more valuable you will feel because you'll find that you're appreciated.

Start with something small, if someone asks you to do something for them on a Monday, tell them you can do it on Tuesday, even if you're only at home watching TV and only if you really want and are able to help them. Same with asking for help, start with something small, the more people are willing to help you the more you will feel loved and valued.

Often times we say yes when we want to say no. Usually the reason is due to some kind of fear or a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. If you feel unworthy you will try to overcompesate in hopes of proving your worthiness and that you're lovable. If you have low self esteem you may feel that your needs aren't important, this is also why we don't ask for help, we don't think other people will find us worth it. We fear the sting of rejection. We can overcome this by asking for help and allowing others to help us and proving that we are valuable to others. Keep in mind though, that they may say no. This isn't a reflection of your self-worth, it only means that they cannot help you. Don't be discouraged.