New and regretful

So I just turned 40 this last Tuesday. I'm a mother of two, and a hetero significant other for 13 years. I was diagnosed as BPII with anxiety and depression about 12 years ago. Later a counselor suggested that I might be ADD or have executive dysfunction. Then she had to drop me as a client due to insurance issues and moving to a different clinic. I had to figure out what executive dysfunction was on my own. It explained a lot of my issues but had no real solutions.

I've recently been stuck in a "what if" loop. I'm having issues with questioning my sexuality and the paths I have, and have not, taken. It feels like I'm stuck in my current situation and too old to try to expand my horizons. It's frustrating.