New here
Hi everyone! I am a 47 year old mother of a 16 year old son and stepmom to a 24 year old daughter. I have been married to my second husband for almost 12 years. The older I get, the more difficulty I have dealing with anxiety and stress. I was considering going to a psychiatrist/psychologist but I wanted to see how I felt sharing here first. I’m still trying to figure out navigating the app but hope to connect with some people and gain some insight. Thanks!
Welcome to the community.
Here to listen if needed
I'm new, too, and just wanted to pipe up in the name of solidarity :) I've been dancing around the counselor/therapist/psychiatrist commitment, too. I think that good friends help with alot of issues, but I find it difficult to have close friendships at this age. (How do people have the time and energy it takes to prioritize friendships at this stage in life?!)
Anyway, best to you!
Thanks for sharing this. I’ve always had one or two close friends to talk to but lately I feel like I’ve drifted apart from them. Everyone is so caught up in their own lives/problems that I don’t want to burden them. I don’t fault them for being distant right now. It’s partly my fault as I’ve pulled away. I’ve been having some problems in my marriage and my husband is not open to any kind of therapy. So I’m hoping I can get a feel for sharing and go from there.
@sincereTurtle7807
Some marital stuff here, too. My husband is a good guy in a lot of respects, but he doesn't have faith in counselors, or he doesn't want to be judged, or for his problems to be aired, or to have to listen to me criticize him in front of someone else, or something. To be honest, I've only got one friend who has told me she benefited from counseling, and she once told me a person should expect a lot of failure in seeking counseling;he/she will probably have to do a lot of hunting to find the right fit in a counselor, and will definitely have to work hard.... My friend made the hunt for a therapist/counselor sound like the hunt for a life partner. Considering that therapy is quite expensive, I have found myself not wanting to pay for all that initial failure. Maybe my husband feels kind of like this, too.
Gosh that’s disheartening to think about going through multiple counselors until you find the right one. I like that you said your husband has good qualities. When you’re going through rough times it’s hard to remember those qualities sometimes. My husband has good qualities too. And to be honest most of the people we know would be surprised to hear how he can be behind closed doors. Everyone is always telling me how lucky I am. I’m waiting to try another one on one chat and hope it goes well.
@sincereTurtle7807
I'm sorry if I sounded like a downer regarding counseling. The friend I mentioned also still goes to counseling, after those obstacles that she encountered years ago. For her it was worth it to stick with it and keep trying. I am more impulsive, and often find myself expecting quick results.
I joined 7 cups on a low, low day, and wrote rather a lot of messages over the first 12 hours. You were so good to respond to me, and I thank you. It helped. I'll probably be one of those on again, off again participants (see bit above about "impulsive") but I wanted to share this link with you.
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/590/transcript
Do you like the show, "This American Life"? I found the transcript of one of their segments, on marriage. It struck me as so, so true, and really comforted me. I say this as one who has been asking "how bad is my 20-year-marriage?" I'm not sure a couple going in to marriage would find any comfort in this segment, though I will be sharing this with every engaged couple I know. (I'm not invited to many weddings during the quarantine anyway, so there are no invites to retract. Lol.) I recommend listening to the segment, as the emotion and laughter add a lot of context.
Best!
Thanks for sharing the link. It was true and scary and comforting all at the same time. Mostly it just made me think that what my husband and I are going through doesn’t have to be the end. Sometimes I don’t see how it can get better from where we are now but I want to keep trying. I actually got him to read some articles on communicating (with each other and with teens). I’m hoping they help. I feel encouraged that he was willing to read them. I totally understand the impulsive thing. I’m like that too. I’ve got probably half a dozen journals that only have a few entries in them. I’ve tried another one on one chat and although the listener and I never seem to be available at the same time, this one is going better. She seems more genuine than the last one I talked to.
Interesting thread. Alot id like to say, not sure where to begin. Friendship. I've always tended to isolate myself when it comes to friends, which leads to my feeling very alone at times. But... im married. Been married 21 years and counting. 4 kids. All at home. Live with in-laws. Have 2 sisters. So, although I tend to feel very alone at times, i am clearly not. Therapy. Not a big believer in therapy. Had a therapist. Quite possibly the least skilled therapist in Florida. I'm a former alcoholic. He suggested non alcoholic beer. Was interested in... Adventurous sex. He suggested a website that features what he called " porn for women". No joke. Wife was told she shouldn't find a therapist and should do her duties as a wife. Needless to say, I no longer have a therapist. Diagnosed bipolar. On alot of meds and seeing a psychiatrist. Marriage is mostly ok. No sex life at all. But, that's a topic for another day
Hello and welcome. I understand feeling alone. I’m an introvert. I tend to have a couple close friends and I prefer to spend time with them one on one. A group bigger than 4 people including myself can be overwhelming for me. I was able to spend a few hours yesterday hanging out with my best friend just talking and it was wonderful. We hadn’t done that in a very long time. I felt so much better afterwards. But I get what you mean about feeling lonely even while surrounded by family. Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are on two completely different wavelengths as far as feelings and communication. We’re trying and hope to pull through this even stronger. My mom and dad have been married for 48 years and my mom always told me communication is the key. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I read your other posts as well. I wish I had a good answer for you. All I can say is to try to get your feelings out whether it’s to your wife, family member, friend, psychiatrist or in the chats here. I always feel better when I’m able to talk to someone. Best of luck!
