Bitterness
I'm generally a positive person. I have my moments, for sure. I can be all doom and gloom and cry my eyes out for the mess that the world seems to be in. But, after a good cry, I suck it up and choose to live my life as happy as possible, spending time with relatives, friends. Trying not to get mad in long lines, or when things just don't seem to be working out.
My spouse, on the other hand, has just moved into this terribly negative place and it's exhausting. I just don't understand how someone can be so bitter and angry about everything all.the.time. I mean, we all know that there is bad stuff happening in the world every day. Horrible stuff. But we don't soak in it. Every day he's reading about it, watching it on TV, listening to it on the radio, all day.
His opinions on all sorts of things are soooo negative, or mean, or bitter. I struggle to understand why he wants to live the rest of his life this way. Angry about what he didn't get in life. Angry about the way the world is. Not ever really acknowledging how good his life actually is. He takes pessimism to the extreme.
Anyone else dealing with someone so bitter?
I am that pessimist actually. I am eternally depressed, bitter, and angry.
I can understand a bit about how you feel. I went through a depression about 4 years ago and it took me a long time to get over it. Honestly, I'm still struggling. It's human nature to want life to be good, and also human nature to dwell on the negative because we think perhaps we can try and make it better. The funny thing is, by learning to focus on whatever happiness you can find, you build a resilience to the difficulties in life. It may not seem logical, but being happy about the small things, like enjoying the sunrise, or the smell of flowers, can help put you in a better state of mind to deal with the difficult times. It's not easy. It's really a lot harder than you can imagine. But what choice do you have? If you don't help yourself, who can? You're not wrong to be angry, bitter and depressed. But do you want to stay that way? If not, you have to try to appreciate whatever good things come your way, and try to find constructive solutions to your problems. Learn to laugh at the irony and ridiculousness of life. If you really stop to think about it, what else can you do?
I am so sorry for you both. My mother is like your husband, and it is so painful to be around. It just drains you of joy! I pray you are able to hang onto yours and release him to his chosen way of life. I spent YEARS trying to help my Mom be happy, but she would fight it woth everything she has. I finally realized that it brings her something she wants, whether it's safety from disappointment or self-righteousness of being a martyr, or even just feeling like she's smarter than everyone to see it. Whatever her motivation, she WANTS to live that way. She chooses it. And I had to stop feeling guilty for being joyful. Like I didn't deserve it until she had it too.
That was SO hard for me, and I don't have to live with her every day.
I just pray that you will defiantly walk in your joy, and leave him to his chosen misery. Maybe someday he will see the light in you and make a different choice.
Hugs.