I have accepted fate….haven’t I ?
I have accepted the cards that I have been dealt, but why am I so short with people I deal with? I understand why I am at the giving up point. If I have truly accepted things I shouldn’t be troubled by comments others make not knowing what is happening to me. People’s comments have never really bothered me until now. Little comments like how I could forget facts about something I just purchased really hurt. I shouldn’t be upset with anyone because they don’t know that I can be standing in front of them telling them something and then my mind goes completely blank and I have no idea what I’m talking about, I have even forgotten my own name at times. I shouldn’t be upset with those who don’t know but I am. I bear no I’ll will towards anyone, I truly don’t, I am not sure what is happening to me, I just need to truly and completely accept my fate and be able to put my game face back on and let this thing run its course.
I think I stated in another post that I wasn’t going to post anymore, and that was probably my intention but my mood swings are all over the map. My highs which really aren’t that high and my lows swing really really low at the drop of a hat. I can only assume that is why I said something like that.
I try and be very careful of my wording and not outright say certain things and hopefully that continues. What I do here, even though I mainly just post things periodically, explaining how things are affecting me, this little bit helps keep me from falling off onto the wrong side of the fence. I know I am not a positive influence here, I am a very negative person. I have been overwhelmed for a long time and these recent events have brought me down to a lower point of being overwhelmed that is impossible to handle. I am living in a haze. I try and look ahead and I just see a thick thick fog. I look around and I see the same all the way around me. I don’t know if I am coming or going. My direction of travel? I don’t know. I know the end result but I don’t know how I get there, or when.
I am so confused and lost. I’m thankful for this place, I am thankful for the people here, especially those with kind words and wishes in response to my posts. I do feel something I never felt before when I read the responses to the things I have written. I am not sure what exactly I feel but it actually brings tears to my eyes. Not sadness, I don’t think. But more along the lines of a tiny bit of relief, maybe because someone is actually reading the things I wrote. Maybe because someone is taking those few seconds to not only read those words but write some of their own and try and (encourage?) me. Maybe to try and help me, even by just trying to let me know I am not alone. Those things are special to me
You are not alone my friend.
I'm sorry you struggle , I too struggle just in a different way.
Therapy has helped me .
Pls take care @Iamwhoiamwhoami
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Thank you , I am appreciative of you and your kindness.
Your reaching out and sharing with me is precious to me.
Thank you.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Acceptance is so difficult, i have many different types of trauma and some of it I blame myself even though I'm told it was not my fault.
The brain is a complicated thing I struggle with every day. I'm so stubborn I cannot accept my past ....I understand acceptance brings peace especially since I cannot change the past. It does haunt me daily. Some days I just cannot stand being inside myself. Wanting to escape just for awhile.
I ask myself what's my purpose here?
Your not alone in this life of pain and struggle my friend.
Best
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Our experiences may be very different but our pain is similar. I truly hear every word you say and am very understanding in your struggles. I will never claim to have the answers or solutions, but I will always be beside you in your journey.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Hi!
I read about your tree this night (3 a.m.). And I have been thinking of it today. Wonderful! Remember the good things people say and hang the words up there on the tree!
You are a positive influence here, but at 7Cups we are allowed to lay our burdens down!
You say "I am a very negative person" - I think most of us are a bit of this and a bit of that. But how POSITIVE! you are about the tree-thing.
I wish you all the best - and if I can say; Jesus Christ loves you with an eternal love.
From Helga (P.S. I also like the writing of @juliak1968).
@Helgafy
Thank you again for reaching out with your kindness and support. As always I appreciate it.
I just wish I could get the desire back to accomplish that idea. I have the tree partially set up, (artificial) and just can’t get the desire back to do it.
Life goes on , right? I was actually debating about getting the strength up to put it away. That would be the simplest thing to do.
Thank you for everything.
@Helgafy
My ears were ringing :-) Thank you for the nice compliment!~
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I prayed a lot for you yesterday Iam.
From Helga.
@Helgafy
Thank you, I appreciate your concern , kindness and prayers.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Hi - would you like to tell me if you are my sister or brother on this earth?
Yesterday morning was very hard for me. I have severe ME/CFS (lack of energy). About once a month I would like to d'i'e. But when I get more energy my mind is also better. After a while in bed I got better. I read my Bibleverse for the day (I subscribe online) and look what it was. It helped me.
When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD;
@Helgafy
Thank you ,
Hi
im sorry you’re going through this. I used to be a very strong person untill one day i flipped like a switcch and started caring about the mean things people were saying to me, you’re not alone. Mental health is a journey, a long one. I suggest joining a support group, there are many virtual ones ever since covid, you should look into this.
Remember to be patient with yourself, you have a lot to offer, there’s no point in getting upset over what others say, they are not you, plus people shouldnt be saying such things they should grow up.
it sounds like you are experiencing burnout, the best thing to do is go to the spa, do something that you like to do, spend one day a week devoted to yourself. You’re not alone. Its going to be okay. I know its hard, but you’ve got to understand that you are so worth it, your family akd friends know this, imagine this was happening to a friend, what advice would you give them? Because you should use that advice to yourself. I wish you well
@itsabaka
Thank you for reaching out with your kindness and support. I do appreciate it.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Hello, my friend, I am sorry that some people just don't know what to say so they say things that they may not realize are inappropriate or downright ugly. All of us are here because of some struggle going on in our lives. No matter how different the struggle is, we have one which is why we are here on this site. Learning to listen to someone is a skill, that a lot of us often miss. Because of this, the saying goes that Hurt people hurt other people. Even though it may not be intentional. I know their words can cause ill feelings and upset us. I told you before to keep writing and keep posting your feeling here. This is your right to be here and to be heard. You yourself know what it feels like when we are short or arrogant with others. I do my share when I am in a foul mood and later regret what I did. Try not to let it bother you just stay at peace as much as you can you have enough on your plate without allowing negative remarks to rain on what you are dealing with.
I admire your strength and courage each and every day, I think about you and put myself in your place and it is hard to imagine what you must be feeling and experiencing. I made you a commitment to be here with you and I am determined to keep it.
I to am praying for you, and I hope you can feel the love and sincerity of myself and others that really care about you and your well-being.Peace to you❤️🙏
@scarletPear1945
Your kindness and compassion shows every time you reach out to me. I do realize and appreciate your willingness to be there for me, I don’t have the words to express how that makes me feel, I just know it brings tears to my eyes that run down my cheeks.
Thank you
@scarletPear1945
Thank you for your prayers also …
I guess it doesn’t matter whether or not I have accepted the cards or not at this point. If what is going on with me is what I believe it is,( it has to be , too many things line up with it), then there is no cure no fix only a complete guesswork of possible meds to try and maintain. Unfortunately an official diagnosis can’t be made while I am alive. So , I’m kind of….well I don’t know what. But I guess that if that is what is happening then something with medical terminology can at least be named for future reference.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
I admire your postings here in light of what your dealing with. I'm glad you have possible medication choices. This life really is such a challenge....and just when you think you figure it out .. nope! A new problem. I admire anyone who can move into acceptance....that is a gift. I'm trying but I'm stubborn.
Best
ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Thank you for everything, I always appreciate hearing from you.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
YW.
I feel so much compassion for this human condition. 😔
We all suffer so much . It helps to share the pain of it all. On 7 cups It's like we can hold each other's hands and guide each other down the path of this bumpy life without judgement or conflict.
Best
ABB
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Just thought I would send a hello . ( This is not my favorite time of year. )
And I know it's a struggle for many. If you struggle know your not alone my friend.
I have lost alot in my life and trying hard to come to terms with it all.
I send safe hugs and hope you have some peace 🕊️ today.
Best always ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Thinking of you as well