Ironically the text bar said title. I suppose that’s one of the reasons I’m here. I don’t know what my title is any more.

@agreeableThinker2962

I think many are too worked up about titles and labels ...

I also think it is perfectly normal to question who we are from time to time as life changes...... i do not recognize the person i thought i was even 5 years ago. as we get older we might decide we want to be or do things we never have and that is OK too. only you know who and what you are..... even those around me say things like "you like this or that "

i tell them i DID but no longer enjoy that item. some do not like people to change ............they will want you to fit in their description of you ....... when people question who you are there are 2 paths .....first is to explore and be whatever you want for this chapter .... second is play the part others have type cast you into and waste the time you have left acting.

Thank you for taking the time to write back to me.. Often I look at what I’m trying to write that describes what’s spinning around in my head.

I spent the past 17 years being active in my first grandsons life. I thought he loved me every bit as much as I loved him.Somewhere during the time his grandfather had Covid he moved in with his mother ( the drunk) she had left his father, and the next fellar she married and was a wreck. That hurt but he was in town . We saw less of each other but it wasn’t not doable.

we went about our life. We came home from a jaunt out of town and he had filed for emancipation. Really, drunk daughter she was how could you have her served the Friday before Mother’s Day. Part of me thinking she deserved it. The other part heart broken for her.

this is pretty much the last time we saw him. He came for Easter but nothing afterwards. He moved in with skum of the earth. Parents that share there medical marawanna with kids. He is doing school on line now living with the Dad who never paid him any attention he’s flunking out of school. While I can say I don’t know him anymore I don’t understand why he does not know me. Unless he’s angry because I raised his mom and wants to do with me because of that. I loved that child so. Now there’s nothing to love. I kicked everyone out of my heart. I discovered if you let them in they will break my heart. And my presence must taint them somehow .

I want to move away for our golden years. Where no one knows us.

Again thank you for responding. My first instinct is to withdraw because each time I’ve reached out I was ignored. I know he’s young. My goodness I had 2 kids by 19 years old. But I stuck with the theory “ that all things work together for good “ and somehow it’s been almost 44 years.

I knew my young marriage hurt my folks but I never stopped reaching out towards my parents. They were the best grandparents and my biggest fan. I miss them both every day.

so suggestions as where I go from here? My better half seems ok taking the “ it’s just a cycle of life😞” attitude. Is it? Am I being this big cry baby?” Should I be thankful for what’s left? If that’s the answer I hope there is some kind of be happy pill that comes with it.

I cannot imagine a life of this continued “ estrangement “

I think that’s why I want to move away.

if indeed it’s forced on me. I want to level the playing field. For me to want to move away is HUGE. my roots run deep.

Thanksgiving was AWFUL . My daughter showed up with the new guy” with his 2 kids. Like I’m supposed to jump in and take these two new kids as a replacement to the one I had and adored.

I refused to host ANY holidays at my house ever again. If we can’t celebrate like we always have, our family is not that big. I want NO part of it.

my heart hurts my head spins with all these memories. It’s like I have that little devil 👿 & angel 😇 one on each shoulder.

onevsays get a grip you don’t have life so bad. There are children starving In Africa.

the other says this is it. NOBODY need or wants me anymore if you can’t act the way they expect me to.

I have lost all energy. I sit in my chair nearly all day.

bedtime is the highlight of my day. I just can’t picture life continuing like this.

i suppose guilt is part of what’s wrong with me. How did I raise an alcoholic?

i haven’t had more than 1 dozen drinks my whole life and I’m 61.

why when C ( this is my grandson” when he moved out and emancipated why didn’t he come here. He stayed here all the time. I thought he loved coming to my house. He came to our area small town news travels fast. He never called came out NOTHING! He could have stabbed me in the heart and it couldn’t hurt any worse. I mean if I can’t be a Gran what’s left? I’m serious? I’m just lost and for what ever reason today has been especially hard.

thank you for listening. No one understands. I would go so far as to say my family has no idea how low I am. I don’t have face time face conduct much so I just hug the ground stay under the radar.

it seems as you have experienced heart ache to. What did you do to get over it?

or did you?