Jealousy
I find myself in an odd situation. My spouse and I have been planning to retire and relocate to a warmer climate for over a year. It has always been our dream and we can now finally do it. I have spent so many hours researching and learning everything I can about the new area, reviewing our budget and handling the logistics of how to move cross country, soul searching about moving away from local family and made several visits to make sure we are making the right move. All of a sudden my best friend and her husband announces that they like what we have told them and asked for all my research and then bought a vacation house there in a matter of 1 month and they have never even visited there once before except for this 1 time to buy. Of course, their vacation house is much bigger and fancier than what we can afford for our house which is not a 2nd vacation home.
I should note that they have always had the house that everyone envied. It’s on a lake and it’s like living at a resort. And I have to admit that when we announced our plans to move our friends all expressed how wonderful it would be for us it was nice to be the one with something cool.
I should be happy for her. I should be happy for me and my husband. But I find myself jealous of her and can’t stop feeling like she was trying to one up me. I hate myself for feeling this way.
I should have added that I am looking for ways to move past this. Any thoughts or advice?
@reliableVase4208 I think that we all feel envy from time to time. When I feel badly for something that someone else has that I don’t have. I try to stop thinking about what they have and focus on all the things that I do have. I even keep a gratitude journal. I write down all things big and small that I feel grateful for. I find it helps me to read over all that I do have. I hope this helps.
Thank you for responding! I love the idea of a gratitude journal! I have so much to be grateful for. I agree…writing it down and rereading it sounds like it would really help me get past this pettiness I’m feeling. 💕
That’s a very natural response to a situation like that.
The impression I got from your post is that you were very meticulous and careful with your search. After all, you have to make sure you find exactly the right home.
That attention to detail and caution is probably a skill you have developed and honed throughout life, and definitely something many people do not have or understand. Less tangible than a large flashy estate or a well padded bank account, but a true quality of human character. And that is those thing that nobody can buy.
Thank you so much for responding! I feel so much better venting and then reading this. I just hate feeling so petty. I don’t want to be that kind of person or friend even if it is normal. Another writer suggested a gratitude journal and I am going to do that.
It sounds like this friend may be searching for something in life they are missing. She may even envy your relationship with your spouse… who knows?
Be happy for her, but know in your heart that you’ve planned this, and you deserve the retirement you’ve waited for.
Enjoy your days as life is short. Find gratitude for all you’ve got as others would hope for your lot in life.
Many happy carefree years ahead! Woo hoo!
Best wishes!
@reliableVase4208 What you feel is very natural and normal. We can't help other people's circumstances if they appear to be doing better than us. But my elders had a saying. Never confide in people about plans or dreams you may have or be working on because whether people mean to or not, they may try to destroy or demean it for you.
In this case, you are right to admit your jealousy. You don't state whether or not you plan to move to the same area. Do you still want to move there? Will you be struggling there if you do? If not, and you indeed did your homework and have a Plan B and C in case things go south, then go about your life and do what you say you and your partner want so desperately.
Bottom line, you are always going to find someone doing better than you. If you find you can't move past this, decide to move to another place and keep your information to yourself.