Never alone but so lonely .
I am amazed at how many people experience similar issues and yet that seems to isolate me even more. If someone else is struggling with the same issues then that just means that a solution is not feasible right now. The more I browse here the more I realize that the answers I seek will probably never come to light. Too many people with similar stories and all are suffering. Who am I to think that My issues are more important than others? I have nobody in my life and everyone else does so I remain at the bottom of the pit.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami:
Hello, and welcome to 7cups. I read your post and I really can relate to the feeling of being alone. I think I have dealt with that same feeling. There are people around me but we have no connection. One thing that has helped me to find some peace to deal with this is that It was me who made me feel lonely. Me giving others the power to rule my happiness was what I was expecting . Being able to recognize that my disconnection was the cause of my loneliness This may not work for you but it helped me come to grips with my emotion. Taking back my power was what I had to learn.
Don't be discouraged or think this will never happen to you. Never say never, things will change sooner or later.
Welcome again. Sorry I am ScarletPear1945, See you around
@scarletPear1945
Thank you for your response. I know my isolation is my doing. I am not a fan of interacting with anyone. I force myself to be someone else at work and with customers and I am so drained when I get off work I have no desire to try dealing with my true issues honestly and openly. I want to change I just am so far down the rabbit hole I can't find any reason to climb out anymore. I do not lay my issues out there to people struggling themselves. Incorrect thinking I know but I don't believe in adding more to someone else's pile.
I truly believe I am better off alone and that my baggage is not something to bring into any relationship, friendship or otherwise. I have not had anything resembling a friend for over thirty years. My marriage didn't last for many reasons and the blame is on both of us(more me than her but still both). Needless to say there was not a close relationship between us for most of our marriage. We just occupied the same home. I even got involved with someone for a few months not long ago. I entered into it completely honest with her about my gender/sexuality issues and my depression and anxiety and anything that I did know about myself. I broke it off because of my issues and the fact that she had two wonderful children that did not need my issues and constant negativity in their lives.
I realized that I will never make a good partner for anyone . So that combined with my people issues I have accepted the fact that I am destined to be alone in all aspects of my life. And I am ok with that.
@Iamwhoiamwhoamjust being me.
Hi there, I have read your post and I really do understand how you must be feeling. I really hope that my words did not make you feel bad in any way, that was surely not my intent. I am in a relationship where the two of us are just occupying the same home but really just tolerating each other. I am not very social either but I am just beginning to try and reach out for relationships with others leaving my comfort zone and you don't have to change to please others, my dear friend. just be yourself and people can like you or not..as long as you know who you are . I admire your willingness, to be honest, and upright. That says a lot about your character. 
I would be honored to be your friend if you can accept me.
You sound like an awesome person. We all have our own baggage and crosses to bear However we are not our issues.
we are people with issues. Stay cool and honest things will change
Thank you again. I would like to say yes to the friend thing but I don’t know how to be a friend. I am too deep in my own mystery of myself to be of any benefit to anyone else.. But definitely thank you for your kindness.
And no you didn’t upset me in any way. My mind jumps all over the map and sometimes I probably stray from original point of conversation. I feel like I am losing my grip on things more and more lately. I sometimes can’t remember two minutes ago . My concentration or maybe it’s the retention is starting to slip away from me. It probably is the depression but I suppose it could be old age disease, senility, dementia or something. I just hope I can get to know myself before I do lose control of my mind completely. Sorry, I strayed again.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
Completely ok, But the same thing is happening to me and I have been noticing it quite a bit. Maybe because I just came off a whirlwind of ish my self. Working hard to get back to some normalcy if possible
@scarletPear1945
what exactly is normal?
Scarletpear explained it so well, I also have ppl around me but feel so alone and she's right about the lack of connection. I too am at fault for my aloneness. I can't connect, at least not yet, I am in therapy and trying . I know why I cannot connect and the awareness of that has helped tremendously. I'm still learning, trying to teach myself how to trust, how to be honest, how to communicate with truth, ask for what I need ...I had so much abuse in my past I couldn't trust. Trust is key to connection. I'm sorry so much suffering is going on in so many lives. Hope my post helps just a little. Best 💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
thank you for your response. I would type more but I would probably put down the same that I did to my response to another one in this topic.
@amiableBlackberry92
I am so glad that you are here and that so many of us have parts of that same story that plays with our minds and our hearts.
Trust is a very major part of healing that stands in my way very often. The ability to reach out is often dismissed within me because of the lack of trust. Abuse and trauma really do more than physical effects but it goes way deeper than that. It penetrates the core of our being. I know we will all learn some ways that will help us reach the goals we are striving for.
@scarletPear1945..I am so very glad you are here and understand the complicated path of trust. I want so badly to connect with ppl on a deep level before I die as I have spent decades unable to do so. Sadly I have been too fearful to get to a deep connection that is true and satisfying. I am praying to God for guidance. I was guided here to 7cups and to all the beautiful and supportive like minded and caring ppl here. Thx so much for your encouraging post. 💜 ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
Hello, just wanted to reach out to you and see how things are going. Hope your holidays bring you much Peace and Joy. Stay safe❤️
@scarletPear1945
Thanks for inquiring about me. It's so appreciated. I actually did have a nice holiday. The first one in probably 10 + years. Progress I think. ?
I pushed myself to decorate for holidays this year and it really helped almost like a declaration. I definitely have my ups and downs but I guess I'm stubborn because I keep trying.
I want to connect,to trust, to find some joy. I have a strong will I guess.
I hope you found a little peace and joy too.
Best always ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 Thank you again for your kindness. I am for some strange reason going back and trying to correct my responses to the kindness shown to me . I have been rude and short with those only trying to show kindness and compassion. I am thankful and appreciative of you and your kindness.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami While everyone’s experiences are important to them, I think it is common for us to believe we are the only ones in a certain situation and that no one can possibly relate to us. Both of my parents died in the last few years and while I have a brother, I rarely see him. I basically stay indoors all the time due to illness and don’t physically see anyone that often. I do have one friend, but mostly just talk on the phone. So...while I’m not in your shoes, I can relate to feeling alone.
@UberRuminator
thank you
@UberRuminator Thank you for your kindness and support, I am sorry my first response was so short and rude. I truly am thankful and appreciative of your kind words. I’m not a positive person but recently have realized I haven’t been very considerate in my responses to those who were kind enough to take the time to reach out to me.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami Just thought I'd let you know i have no one special in my life (well, except for my stuffed Teddy Bear).
I don't know the answers. I don't even know the questions, after all these years. It is so hot here in Florida I find it v difficult most days to ride my bicycle. But when I can, I feel more at peace, after the first pedal stroke. Just thought I'd say that.
Thank you
@funnyCranberry7356 Thank you for reaching out and being supportive. I am sorry for my first response, I haven’t been very considerate of others efforts and I also haven’t really been truly appreciative of everyone until the last couple of hours. Thank you so very much.
Thank you for sharing your story , I was surprised to find so many people felt the same way as I did ,
that I also find friendships /relationships hard as I have been hurt in the past with abuse .
It does effect self esteem and also I do feel lonely as well and I keep myself to myself as due having so many issues, that I know I do not want put on other people as when open up to people it was the wrong people for me .
As well as your story maybe I am an empath and also felt scared that I could not meet friends due to having to just accept to be alone .. It truly touched me what you said as you hold down a job and also hard having true connections it is hard as we want to be accepted
Thank you.
I want to respond to what you wrote, I just can’t right now. I just got home from work it was a very trying day. My issues are kind of taking the lead right now. I will try and respond sometime soon.
@lovelyWords13
i am still struggling with myself. I have not forgotten about replying.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami
No need to reply I know how difficult it is . And I only wanted to share with you as I can relate to how it feels . I hope you did not mind as I read your story and it touched me . it takes great stength to say how you feel
@lovelyWords13 Thank you for your kindness and compassion. I am reaching out to those who have reached out to me and I failed to truly appreciate them and their kindness and support until now. I am still a very negative person but I have finally found a heart does exist in me. Thank you and please accept my apologies.
The title is still accurate.