When does it get easier?
I need to hear from seasoned parents today. How do you let go of worrying about your children? To be specific, your adult children. I can't seem to stop my worry, and it's really causing me a lot of anxiety and is making for a miserable time in my life.
There is officially nothing to worry about, but I'm a nervous wreck. If my child isn't around, then I'm pretty much worrying all of the time. Safe? Healthy? Happy? Fed? Supported? Protected?
I understand he's an adult - a young one, still in college, but still an adult. And I'm having a very difficult time with adjusting to the fact that he's living his own life on his own schedule and I don't know what's going on. Is it my business to know? No. But the longer I don't hear from him or see him, the more worried I get.
Is he capable? Yes. Has he ever done anything foolish or dangerous? No. So, why do I continue this worry?
How do I start to grow from this, relax and start enjoying my life and the present moment, rather than obsessively worrying about things that aren't happening?
@thoughtfulmomma
As a parent, it's natural to have concerns for your child's safety, well-being, and happiness, even when they are no longer children. It's a transition that many parents struggle with, and it can be challenging to find a balance between caring and worrying excessively.
While I don't have personal experience as a parent to an adult child, I can understand from the perspective of a child who has seen their own mother go through similar worries. It's important to remember that your child is growing and learning to navigate their own life, just as you did when you were their age.
One way to start letting go of excessive worry is to focus on building trust. Trust that your child has the skills, knowledge, and resilience to handle the challenges they may face. Trust that they will reach out if they need support or guidance. Trust that they are capable of taking care of themselves.
Also, it can be helpful to redirect your focus and energy towards your own life. Engage in activities that bring you joy, pursue hobbies or interests, and nurture your relationships outside of your role as a parent. By investing in your own well-being and finding fulfillment in other aspects of your life, you may find that your worries naturally start to lessen.
This might not be a very helpful suggestion but you could also consider practicing mindfulness or meditation techniques to help you stay present and grounded in the current moment as they can help you cultivate a sense of calm and reduce the tendency to obsessively worry about things that are out of your control.
And again, my perspective might not be as helpful as someone with direct experience, but I genuinely hope that my response makes sense and offers some guidance
@patientSky1754
To add to my previous response... Worrying is a natural instinct that comes from a place of love and concern and it can be difficult to completely let go of that worry, especially when it has become a habit over the years. Worrying can also stem from a fear of the unknown and a desire to protect your child from any potential harm or difficulties they may encounter.
To address this ongoing worry, it may also be helpful to remind yourself of your child's capabilities and past responsible behavior, reflect on their accomplishments and the times they have successfully handled challenges, and to recognize that they are growing and learning, just as you did, and that they have the skills to navigate their own life.
It can also be helpful to communicate openly with your child about your concerns. Expressing your worries and discussing boundaries or expectations may help alleviate some of your anxiety. This can create a space for open dialogue and reassurance, allowing both of you to understand each other's perspectives
My wife worries about it way more than myself and she is generally anxious. Do you have anxiety yourself?
@LostTurtle2
I definitely suffer from anxiety, so worry + anxiety = a lot of rough, stressful days
I understand how you feel, momma! Mine just graduated college.
My suggestion is to focus on what you want your child to learn: independence, self-sufficiency, resilience. Give them space to practice this, and make mistakes so they can excel!
I would urge you not to push for too much contact -- they may be compelled to pull away even more to get the experience they need. Give them space and they will reach out when they need you.
I know it's hard! 🤗
@ArinDee
I try not to push things, and I don't obsessively contact him when he's at school. I know he's busy and try not to bug him too much. As much as I may want to sometimes, I keep it to myself.
I'm just trying to figure out how to retrain my focus to be more on me and my husband. It's so hard. All these years we spend getting our kids to grow up and be adults, and when they are, it's hard to let go. If my mom ever went through this she never let on!
