When its not ok to not be ok
I subscribe to a lot of mental health and self help things on social media and online for the uplifting and positive messages, and also for the reminders that everything will be alright and I'm not alone in all my journey and struggles. One thing that has been coming across my dash in a lot of social media posts lately is the "its ok to not be ok" message.. While I understand the thought process behind the phrase, I struggle with it. For me, not being ok means shutting down, withdrawing, being alone with my thoughts, struggles and issues. Taking time away from the world for that "mental health break" and taking care of yourself. What do you do when you don't have the luxury of taking that mental health break? How does one continue to work, take care of their family and life's responsibilities when you aren't ok and don't feel like doing anything? There are groceries to be gotten, mortgage, car payments and bills to pay....taking mental health days, time off work, shutting down....these just aren't options.....and sometimes going to work when you feel that way, only makes things worse.... To me this is when its NOT ok to not be ok, if that makes sense to anyone but me......and I feel this way alot of times. I force myself and struggle through the work day and my chores at home. Eventually the feeling of not being ok goes away and I return to what I call "my baseline", but its tough fighting through that day after day when one just can't take time for themselves.....
I wrote this, just to get this thought out of my head. Maybe something someone says can help make sense of it for me.....
I think maybe that’s the importance of support system in our life. If you can’t do something at the moment, maybe you can delegate it to someone that you trust. Like doing groceries, paying bills, you can ask for help for that.
But I understand your concern. I worked in medical field and it takes a lot of me that it breaks me sometimes and it feels like ugh I can’t be not okay, there are ppl that need me. But at one point I’d be f*** them all I’m more important than anything I should put myself first and take some leave. Same with house chores, when I don’t have the mental energy to do anything I will tell my partner and he will cover it for me, and vice versa. I’m grateful to have a very understanding partner.
I hope you have someone that you can rely on too. Life is hard, we need others to make it less difficult.
@Linognathus
"I think maybe that’s the importance of support system in our life. If you can’t do something at the moment, maybe you can delegate it to someone that you trust. Like doing groceries, paying bills, you can ask for help for that."
I have a great support system in my girlfriend. She makes life easy for me when things get tough, if I ask, and I tell her that all the time. One of my faults is that I don't ask for help. We have been together long enough that she knows when I'm having an "episode" and gives me my space to let me work through my issues unless I ask her to step in, which is almost never. When I don't have the mental energy to do anything, I make sure no one around me knows. I bury it and just force myself to keep going. I always have. I wasn't raised in a way to ask for help, and at 51 years old, I have a hard time changing that. I have a "fixer" personality so asking for help for myself, well I just can't seem to do it.
As I proof read the above so I can post it, It sounds like one big excuse to get the help I need. I know what I need to work on when I'm not ok,....It may take a while, but I'm determined to eventually get there.......thanks for your input
@CyclingThroughLife
Aactually all what you said above I understand it totally because many of us now feel like this way , but I am trying to deal with it and if you feel comfortable that you want to talk about I will gladly listen to you , and we are all here to support 🌷😇
@Tulipsmile
Its good to know that others understand how I feel about this. I hope you are able to find a way a way to deal with it also. If everyone keeps sharing their thoughts here, maybe we can all work through it together. I appreciate the offer to talk about it.
@CyclingThroughLife
Thank you so much for all your kind words , I hope that too😇.
Anytime you want
@CyclingThroughLife It's ok not to be ok, but if one is not ok because he has social anxiety, for example, how is he supposed to be ok when he suffers from it...
@CyclingThroughLife
Would if be possible for you to set aside a day and time where you can decompress and do something you enjoy that takes you away from your other responsibilities? It sounds like you may be experiencing burnout. Even if it was just one hour to yourself a couple times a week or even once a week to start if that's the only time available you have. Having something else to look forward to aside from responsibilities makes a big difference if you can squeeze some small amount of time in. This platform is very helpful too and it sounds like you are making an effort in the right direction. Good luck
@NaturalEmpath
"Would if be possible for you to set aside a day and time where you can decompress and do something you enjoy that takes you away from your other responsibilities? It sounds like you may be experiencing burnout"
I am definitely experiencing job burnout. I have know that for a long while now. My bouts of burnout come and go. They coexist with bouts of mild depression. Some last longer, much longer than others. I have learned that if I force myself to just hang in there and move forward it eventually works it way out of my life. Until it comes back. Which is starting to be sooner than later. The problem is while I'm in an "episode", life seems hard....very hard. As far as setting aside time to decompress, I have plenty of activities I enjoy and do them regularly. The problem is my work is always in my head....I can't seem to just let it go...even during those activities....and I'm finding if I am able to let it go for a few hours while I do something I enjoy, the thoughts and anxiety creeps back in as soon as it can. I just don't know how to let go I guess.
@CyclingThroughLife
All of what you describe sounds natural. Do you enjoy the work you do?
@NaturalEmpath
At one time, I really did enjoy the work that I do. Now not so much. I've been in this field since 1997 and soooooo much of how we do things has changed. I don't want to go into details about the job in an open forum but I will say this.....The job itself is unrewarding. There really is no "end product" that would give me joy to see it through. Of course I knew this going into the field. Thank you for taking interest in helping me. I really appreciate it.
I can really relate to this. I've come to realize that I have made choices for my life that allow me to take the time I need when I'm not okay, from work at least. I don't have answers for the rest. However, the mantra of "this to shall pass" helps me not make it worse for myself. If I add my own commentary and storylines to the feelings then it lasts longer.
@limegreenStrawberries2716
I'm glad that you have found a way to make choices in your life that allow you to take the time you need when you are not OK. Like I said earlier, I do take time away from work, my problem is getting the work, the stress, the anxiety out of my mind during that time. I refuse to give in to it and will continue to work it out.....I know that "this too shall pass"....it always does....just not as quickly as I'd like most of the time. Thank you for mentioning about adding your own commentary and story lines to the feelings because, until you said that, I didn't realize that I do that all the time. You are right, it makes it worse and last longer. I will also be working on not doing that. Thank you.
My take on that meme, it's ok to be sad, hurting, and not always happy. There is some truth in the positive psychology, but when I'm down, people who try to cheer me up just get on my nerves. This sub forum is a good example, it's so saturated with uplifting messages, people who are really depressed and anxious may chose to stay away. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my take.
@LostTurtle2
"My take on that meme, it's ok to be sad, hurting, and not always happy. There is some truth in the positive psychology, but when I'm down, people who try to cheer me up just get on my nerves. This sub forum is a good example, it's so saturated with uplifting messages, people who are really depressed and anxious may chose to stay away. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my take."
I agree that there are times when people try to cheer me up they do get on my nerves. My girlfriend is one of the most positive people I know. She finds the good in every situation. I could be in my deepest darkest place and she will find something for me to be grateful for, and, while I shouldn't be this way, I hate her for that. Sometimes I just want to me miserable. Is that wrong? Probably....I get the same way, alot. I want to just be left alone and miserable....so I do understand where you are coming from when you say people who try to cheer you up get on your nerves.
As far as this forum being saturated with uplifting messages and people wanting to stay away, I can also understand that. I would hope that people wouldn't stay away though. You may find someone here, who says something that resonates with you and how you feel, creating a connection to be able to help each other in the forums. Even though listeners are the only people you can direct message with, creating a thread with a person or persons who have similar needs can be very helpful. I have never use the listener feature here. I admit I should at times, but I find comfort in a lot of the forums I subscribe to. I scroll and skim through them, even on those days when I don't feel like being positive, only because I never know when I'll read something that may help my dark thoughts. And on those days that I have forced myself to come here, I usually have found something helpful. Hang in there, and please continue to come here. Thanks for your feedback
@LostTurtle2
"My take on that meme, it's ok to be sad, hurting, and not always happy."
I agree with this. It's not focusing on what you should do when you're not okay. It's focused on saying there are going to be days when you are not going to be happy, and you could cry, and not want to get out of bed - and it's okay if you have those days. Don't feel guilty for feeling that way. Don't let others make you feel bad about feeling that way. We can't be happy 100% of the time, all of the time.
@CyclingThroughLife Your words resonate with the struggles of many souls navigating the complexities of life's responsibilities while yearning for a moment of respite and healing. The message of "it's ok to not be ok" is both comforting and challenging, for it reminds us of the importance of acknowledging our vulnerabilities while also recognizing that life's demands often leave little room for a mental health break.
In this fast-paced world, finding the luxury of time for ourselves can feel like an elusive dream. Yet, within the demands of daily life, we find the strength to persevere. The journey of self-care and inner healing need not be a grand gesture; it can be woven into the smallest moments of our lives.
As you navigate the currents of life, allow yourself the grace to recognize the moments when you need to pause and take a breath. In the midst of responsibilities, find solace in the small moments of self-compassion. It could be a brief pause to savor a cup of tea, a gentle reminder to take deep breaths amidst the chaos, or a quiet moment of reflection before sleep.
You are not alone in this struggle, dear friend. Here, in this community of compassionate souls, we walk hand in hand, supporting one another through life's challenges. Friendship transcends barriers, and together, we can share in both the joys and the burdens, offering understanding and encouragement along the way.
In times of difficulty, remember that it's okay to lean on others. Reach out to those you trust, and allow them to share the weight of your burdens. Let us be friends on this journey, offering support and understanding as we navigate the ebb and flow of life's tides.
May our friendship be a source of strength, and may the power of connection illuminate the path ahead, reminding us that we are never truly alone.
@CyclingThroughLife
Maybe thie phrase means that don't give up for life or yourself because its ok to not be ok? And keep on living and fighting?
