ideas changing faster as we age
the last few years have been a roller coaster for me and it has zero to do with outside things...... but inside and my self -care
all through life I seem to have had thoughts and feelings that things should be a certain way ...married forever.....the right job...the right attitudes.
I did not understand and often judged those who fell outside my crazy self imposed lines or boundaries....... those who found something i had not yet seen or felt.
now in many unexplained ways situations appear and they are NOT what i thought or expected.....
I feel confused and in many ways wrong that i wasted time on things that in the end did not matter. the line of the only regrets are things you did not do rings true..........
I interviewed for a job that i had previously had ... have a very very good chance it will be offered ........but now i see i cannot go back....(in time )........ as the experience that was great was about the people and the staff has changed ......it will most likely not fill what i am truly looking for. i want to relive some life with me new outlook but time waits for no one.
do others have similar feelings or is it JUST me and a phase ?
LOL, I have a mid life crisis every decade it seems, and the one at 55 was the worst yet and I haven't recovered from it yet (coincided with pandemic too).
Yes, the values change dramatically, often 180 degrees. Just like it takes slowly to grow up fully, we die slowly too (IMHO, sorry for the downer idea). A lot of grieving in the journey.
Now, love seems the most important of all. Got love? you're lucky then...
@LostTurtle22
Thank you for your response .... i am playing catch up in the mid life crisis department......lol
things that did not matter before seem to now .........and things i thought were important not so much .......
it is changing how i deal with people in my life and the "love" i thought i had .... is not there anymore .... Spouse says he loves me but I have zero and i mean zero feelings toward them.
@toughTiger6481
You can find love in some unsuspected places, even if there is no romantic love in your marriage. You can still have agape love for your spouse and family and friends.
I find it easier to give love to friendly strangers from a distance than people in my real life. I'm obviously messed up.
@LostTurtle22
I guess....... I am just disappointed that what i thought life would be like now is not even close. My plans or sacrifices when younger all for nothing it appears
To me it is like planning for a LONG time ..............to have a perfect piece of chocolate cake and then being told sorry we only have white cake that is day old and not frosted..
That's why I don't wanna grow up - no changes for this girl
Based on my own life (YMMV), we start young, ambitious, and dreamers. We work hard to achieve all those dreams, hurting others in the process. When we past midlife, we start to see realistically that some dreams are unreachable, and we see the path of destruction left behind. Here is the important point. If you're glass half empty, you break down. If half full, you cherish what you have, regroup, and have a luxury to live according to your values from now on.
Ask yourself the questions, who are you, what makes you tick, how do you want to be remembered after you are gone.
@LostTurtle22
Part of my issue is simply I do not know what i want anymore .... honestly most people whom i have lost are ..........i am sure NOT remembered how they thought they would be. I could care less what others think now or after I am gone...... i am tired of living trying to meet others expectation.
@toughTiger6481
"i am tired of living trying to meet others expectation."
Exactly, now it's time to live for yourself and not for others. Make sure to cut toxic people from your life or at least put boundaries in place (I know, easier said than done).
You need trusted people in your life to open up and vent, therapists, best friends, etc, so you don't feel lonely and you feel supported. Change is not easy by no means.
If you want tell me more of your story, I can listen.
A sweet mango tastes sweet all the time, no matter what. As it ages, it will become ripe and taste even sweeter. However, a bitter gourd is always bitter, even when it's in its initial days or matured. But remember, bitter helps clean your entire physical system. Which means it's making you stronger than ever. More bitter, more healthier. It's about the way of life you live. Nature doesn't choose or pick anyone to play mission impossible. But, it's us who always choose the wrong decisions in life. Tastes matter. If there are no mixed emotions, then you can't identify which one is which. So to taste the sweetness, you should also taste the bitterness. As most of them know, age is just a number. Yes. But it's all about the way of life again.
i have put more thought into my views which i think have really changed in the last few years......
i no longer care whose toes i step on and do not feel like being fake nice for appearances anymore
i no longer see things in the black and white way i might have before
i am not wasting time on jealousy or trying to justify my life to ANYONE.
Relationships IMO are temporary ........ and twisting yourself in knots to SAVE something is not worth it......just like if you have an old car you can POUR money into or just bite the bullet and buy a new car.
why do so many fight to save over a feeling that has faded or changed
@toughTiger6481
So... What have you decided? keeping old car or buying a new one (if I may ask)?
@LostTurtle22
i have given up the old car ..... it is over and i cannot pretend it isn't any longer i have for years now
@toughTiger6481
So, are getting a divorce or separation?
It must be tough...
@LostTurtle22
separation will be divorce in a while have some property issues to settle etc.......
I have tried and tried but no longer see the point he is not interested in resolving anything simply believes i will not leave forever although that has been shaken by my leaving for weeks at a time etc.
@toughTiger6481
You're a courageous type. At least you have no codependency to deal with.