Tired of adjusting

I am 59 and have been married for nearly 30 years. This is my second marriage and we have a blended family. Up until about 10yrs ago, I thought all was well and that the issues we’ve faced are just a ‘normal’ part of family life. I have had two successful careers, all our children are doing well in their careers, though I really only communicate with 1.5 of them on a somewhat regular basis, which for me is part of an issue, because I feel that I will reach out for only so long and if it doesn’t get reciprocated, I stop and move on. Through my careers, I have been the provider while my wife has taken care of home. Now that I am retired, our goal is to travel the country. The issue that I am having is my wife has turned what I thought were our dreams, into her dream. Meaning she is doing so many things ‘for us’, though it’s really about doing what she wants to do and we are not talking about it. When we do talk, it turns toxic because the decisions she is making is based off of emotion and have become spur of the moment. I’ve worked to prepare for retirement and knowing that the income would be significantly lower, I’ve adjusted my lifestyle, though she hasn’t adopted that mindset and I continue to discover behaviors and actions that she is doing that continue to go against what we have either talked about in the past, or are talking about currently. She expects me to continue to make adjustments or keep doing what I’ve always done, though it’s okay for her to continually change her mind or do something different and I simply should accept it since, as she says, ‘she’s had to do it during my career.’ This is a vague description, I know, though if I went into great detail, my writing would be 10x longer. I believe boundaries have been crossed and not being respected.