Married and lonely
Hi Everyone. This is my first thread. I am lonely in a marriage of almost 12 years. There is no emotional connection and limited communication to only the essentials. I feel so lonely all the time and every time I try to speak to him I am met with nothing; no emotion, no care. He thinks our marriage is going well and that we do not have to speak regularly. I am all out of tears. Any motivation or advise from those that have been through this. Thank you
@Najeeflower This is going to sound difficult because of the memories and pain that will come after loss but my advise is to leave. You cannot change someone who doesn't want to be changed, even if he holds good qualities. Your needs matter and if he doesn't care, that tells me he's choosing himself over you. While you beg he feels powerful . He needs to at least consider what you have to say or you set firm boundaries. Stop taking his bs because you deserve better. Have the backup plan set. Grow, get friends , workout ,don't acknowledge him,. Then leave. He needs you to need him so he can feel better about himself. You are more than just being his wife, you are your own without him.
@Najeeflower hi.. have u ever checked his phone. He might be cheating as well.
I stayed in a marriage for nearly 40 years. I was so lonely and so wanted him to love me. I felt for so long that things would change for lots of difference reasons. As you know these relationships are complex so many sides to look at. For me, I left, eventually. Not an easy decision. I have met great people since I left. I can still feel lonely. However for me being alone on my own and being lonely when you are living with someone is so different. I also am learning to love myself. It is so hard to leave but I’m so glad I did. Love yourself, you are special 💖
Pray, pray and pray 🙏🏼
How are you today?
Hi, I was in a marriage like you described! It’s like torture every moment that ticks by. I finally left after 13 years. Here’s what I needed in order to leave:
I keep hitting the return button and then it posts before I’m ready lol OK - here’s what needed in order to get my life back: I told myself at first I wasn’t making any decisions about the marriage. I was just deciding to take care of myself. I began going to a support group, I got a therapist, I looked up old friends I had ghosted. My aching need to be seen, to be appreciated, to be heard and understood began to feel less immense and tied to my husband. - I let myself grieve the marriage I had hoped for and dreamed of. - I started journaling everything. Little by little his rejection didn’t feel like like a knowing my heart anymore. I found myself realizing how I was emotionally enmeshed with him, I was setting boundaries and feeling more grounded! After a year my hopes that he would grow and realize our marriage was wiorth saving were gone. I saw things more practically and less emotionally. I stopped looking to him as the problem and admitted that I chose him, he’s just being himself. I grew and healed and knew it wasn’t what I wanted anymore and I could choose something else. The divorce was still awful. But I had support and inner strength to stand for what I wanted! I wish for you all the support you need to choose what you want for yourself, to be with the people who can return the kindness you give, and to be happy!
