Pet Loss Grief/Guilt
After 50 I have lost my beloved dog I had for almost 13 years and while I am learning to deal with not having this companion in my life, I can't shake the guilt. I feel selfish and like a horrible person for not having taken him for more checkups, not having knowing he had a tutor growing inside him and also as I was myself not always well, skipping taking him out sometimes so there would be a long time between times he went out from time to time. On the other hand other than that I took him out and took him where I could and gave him a ton of emotional love but the I had to put him down 6 weeks ago but the pain is still raw when I think of him. He was the love of my life and everything to me. :(. Has anyone dealt with this type of situation before where because you weren't completely fit emotionally yourself you couldn't always take the best care of him. I also feel like a bad person that was too cheap and should have done more blood tests etc. every year but I did do it one time and they said there was nothing although they had told me there was something before tests and then everyone told me they are just ripping you off and that was also part of why I didn't do more tests after that when I saw no symptoms except occasional licking of his side. I saw nothing to worry about and didn't take him in but feel guilty towards end he didn't eat for two days but was drinking I was about to take him in but he started eating frantically again for a day then he threw up and then I had to go get my car fixed by time I came and got him to doctor they said to go to emergency I feel guilty I didn't take him sooner. The guilt is killing me I feel like a selfish, cheap, self-centred person and I don't know how to make up for it now.
He had a tumour growing inside of him I meant to say and he wasn't stable after 24 hours in emergency so they couldn't operate to take it out and even if they had and he could have died during surgery, he would have 10% chance to survive so we put him down which has its own guilt associated with it that couldn't do more I didn't even care re the cost but the chance of survival was bad. I paid thousand for him to be in emergency and stay overnight and anything he needed to try to stabilize him and do all needed tests and was willing to pay anything if he could survive but the specialist said she wouldn't put her do through all that with such a low chance of survival and he was still not stable enough to even operate on. :(
@1Rose2025
you are not the only person who has faced something similar.
Pets like people sometimes there is not a real sign or symptom to alert us. every day someone is confronted by advanced illnesses ..... When the issue is found it can be late in the progression. we can play what if on all of it but the reality is there is no guarantee it would have given you more time.
@toughTiger6481 The what if game doesn't guarantee it would have saved him or given me more time, I thought about if they caught it earlier, maybe a surgery could have also put stress on his little body and was risky. I have dealt with this guilt as there were no symptoms to indicate anything was asymptomatic, I couldn't have known but my guilt is now about times I wasn't well this year when he was sick and I didn't know and I was not well so there were longer gaps between times I took him out and that makes me feel like a selfish or bad person and I don't know how to fix it now it's too late.
@1Rose2025
we do the best we can with what we have ... you did not have information to make other decisions. guilt is self-punishment for a past item we cannot change
I've experinced something similar recently and I want to say you're not alone, I had a very similar issue, my cat I've had for 14 years had to be put down because of she had cancer, and please, don't feel guilty, first of all, vet bills are extremely expensive, if you don't think you can spend it at the moment that is not your fault, and let me tell you something, vets push bloodwork, but it doesn't always tell you what's happening, we got blood work on my cat a bunch of times and nothing came back negative, things can spring up on you without an signs, even if you paid extra, this is not your fault in the slightest, how much you are grieving shows how much you truly love and care for him, I promise you that he loved you, that he knew how much you cared for him, this is not your fault, you didn't know, and from the sounds of it was was very hard to tell in the first place, you did as much as you can for him and gave him a good life, and that is all that matters, I promise, you are not alone 💝
@lavendernewt Thank you! I have thought about that if they even did more tests even if they caught the tumour early surgery is also risky what if he had died a few years earlier during surgery on his little body then I would have had even less time with him. And there really was no signs of illness this is why his not being here any more is so shocking to me, I thought he was healthy. The only thing I still feel guilty about is sometimes because of not being well myself not taking him out enough for bathroom breaks where he waited longer than he should have and although I know that didn't cause his tumour I still feel like a very bad person if waiting too long to go out put stress on him while he was already sick I didn't know about. I can't go back now and fix my own shortcomings I am willing to admit but I want to know how to make life better for other animals, I feel horrible that because I wasn't feeling well, and not having help, I couldn't sometimes take him out more to do his business.
I went through a similar experience with a sweet kitty pet. I thought I would know the right thing to do at the time, and then suddenly it was too late and I felt soooo horrible and guilty that I didn't feel like I helped her enough when I could. In hind-sight maybe I should have done something different, but what?
When I have shared this story with others, I find many other people have had similar experiences.
We all really are trying to do the best we can, with the lives we have, sometimes feeling overwhelmed, not being able to predict the future, having tunnel-vision and focusing on whatever seems the most important thing in the moment while ignoring other issues around us...
Guilt is a difficult thing to live with. As you have already said, we can't go back and "fix" the past, we just have to take what we've learned from our past experiences, and use that knowledge and experience to try to live a better future.
