Talking to myself
That is the way I deal, to ramble about what I feel, and trying to help capture the thoughts racing through my brain. Even though there are times that I would really appreciate a response to my ramblings, in the end it doesn’t matter. Talking to myself, via writing it all down here, is maybe a way for me to reconnect with myself after today. I have no idea how that could actually work but I don’t have any faith left so I am really reaching for something….anything.
Even if I could manage to find my way back here, if I lost all cognitive memories etc., how would I be able to recognize these ramblings as my own?
When I have nobody in the real world to help guide me through this journey and help steer me back here I can’t realistically expect to ever make it back to this part of my journey.
I am so lost right now. I’m treading water and I can’t even swim. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m scared . I’m afraid. I’m ashamed. I’m sorry. I’m confused. What is happening to me? Why is it happening to me?
Ok, well that last one is simple, I am getting what I deserve for all of the very bad life decisions I made that not only affected me but the ones around me.
I am reaping what I sowed.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I wish I had words to comfort you. I wish I could tell you that every thing will be ok ❤️
No-one and I mean absolutely no deserves to go through any of this - no matter what choices or decisions they've made. You included but I know it often feels that way
I know you said that in the end it doesn't matter if people respond. It does matter because you matter. In this moment it matters because in this moment you are thought of and cared about. You deserve kindness and compassion. Even if there is no tomorrow there will still be this moment
* sitting with you* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul Thank you…..
@Iamwhoiamwhoami *offers safe hugs* You are very welcome ❤️
@mytwistedsoul Thank you
@Iamwhoiamwhoami I hope you don't mind - I just wanted you to know you were in someone's thoughts. I hope your appointment appointment turned out ok
@mytwistedsoul Thank you for your kind words of support. I am very appreciative. Doctors are are analyzing results. But basically it looks like I don’t have a root cause for my latest issues of extreme cognitive decline. Thank you for showing concern about it.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami You're welcome :) It must be very frustrating for you to not be able to find any answers. I hope that after they're finished analyzing the results they have something they can offer you. Try to take it one moment at a time
*sending you good vibes* ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
I’m trying to do just that. Thank you
I’m done with all of this .
