I’m New Here

Hello, I’m a 58 gay male going through a tough time. I feel lost after this past year that involved a lot of change. I’ve never been one to have many friends or join groups so this is new for me.

Last year I quit my job, sold my home in Palm Springs, CA and moved to San Diego, CA to take care of my elderly parents. I also got divorced after five years of a toxic marriage that took a toll on my emotional and mental well-being. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for the past 30+ years but have managed it pretty well through medication and exercise. After my parents moved into assisted living my full time caregiving came to a halt and I found myself thinking “how did my life end up here? I’m 58, single, living in my parent’s home, burnt out, depressed and anxious about the future, and not prepared financially for retirement.

Prior to the divorce my now ex wanted to buy a condo in Miami so we did. It’s turned out to be very challenging to sell due to permitting issues that I didn’t know about. I’m still dealing with that.

Even though I have been successful in my career, the work environment has been very challenging for me. I survived a serious suicide attempt seven years ago. I’ve applied for SSDI and should hear in the next few weeks.

My father passed away last month and I’m grateful for the time I had with him this past year.

My sister and brother-in-law have graciously offered for me to come live with them in North Carolina. They live in a beautiful mountain home in a quiet and peaceful area. I’m visiting now trying to decide if I want to move here. It’s very different from Southern CA and especially for a gay man. My mom is still in San Diego but nothing else is drawing me back to So Cal.

So there has been a lot of loss and change in my life this past year. World events haven’t made it any easier. I feel like I’m starting over at 58 but I have no sense of direction or purpose. My sister and brother-in-law are a great support. They encourage me to be present and take time to rest and heal.

Thanks for listening.