7 Tips for Building Friendships to Last a Lifetime

"1. Reciprocity. Friendships that last are not transactional. Yes, you do favors, keep secrets, dry tears, just listen when there’s nothing to be said. But these kindnesses go both ways as needed, each of you willing and able to give as well as benefit from the relationship.

2. Making room for growth and change. Whether the relationship begins in childhood or adolescence, in young adulthood or later, friendships that last can weather change. Dear old friends, don’t let life transitions or lifestyle differences tear them apart. Through marriage and children, geographic moves, divorce, religious awakenings or disillusionment, and differences in career trajectories or differing socio-economic status, friendships can endure if friends hold each other close emotionally.

3. Finding connections beyond the initial attraction. We make friends in so many eras and circumstances of our lives. The relationships that endure are the ones that transcend their origins, whether this is in school, at a workplace, or church or because our children are friends. If, as these friendships happen, you find other things in common besides kids, an employer, or an alma mater, you can grow as friends quite beyond what first brought you together.

4. Giving greater weight to what you share than to your differences. If you approach your differences with mutual respect and keep your shared history and feelings for each other in the foreground, you can maintain a friendship.

5. A commitment to maintaining the friendship across the miles. It takes just a few minutes to write and send a text, an email, or a warm snail mail note or card. We can hear the voice of a beloved friend on the phone or do a virtual visit via Facetime or Zoom. Making the effort to keep in touch can make a major difference in both of your lives.

6. Tolerance of time lapses. There are times when you don’t hear from a dear old friend for a while. Life gets busy. Depression may lead to a period of isolation. The birth of a child or the end of a marriage might take most of his or her emotional energy for a time. Instead of getting angry or shaming your friend for his or her silence or shrugging and pulling away, show that you care by keeping in touch or keeping a respectful distance if that’s what your friend prefers for a time.

7. Openness to new old friendships. New old friends can bring special pleasure to your life. This may be someone with whom you were once close but lost touch. Or it may be someone from your past who wasn't a friend then but could be one now. Remember that person you never bothered to get to know in high school or at a long-ago workplace? Or even someone you didn’t like for reasons you can’t quite remember?"

Read the complete article available at Psychology Today!

Reflection:

What are some other tips for building and maintaining friendships?

#Friendships #Relationships #Communication