11 Ways Couples Can Benefit From Time Apart

"Even in loving, stable couples, partners' interests and goals sometimes diverge. My sister once went to India for a week alone, leaving her husband and children at home. When you want to do an activity and your partner doesn't, you might think that the only approach is to get your partner on board with what you want to do. However, there are some benefits to pursuing your interests and goals independently, even when that means time apart. These same benefits also apply when you spend time apart due to necessity, such as when one partner needs to travel for work or school or to care for a sick family member.

When couples are temporarily apart, both the person who is away and the one left at home can experience growth.

These are specific mechanisms through which absence can make the heart grow fonder:

1. When you're happier, you'll have more energy to invest in the relationship.

Resentment will build up if you think your partner is holding you back from your goals and dreams. If pursuing your goals and dreams makes you feel happier, you'll have more energy, enthusiasm, vigor, and zest to invest in the relationship.

2. Changing your routines is good for you.

A paradox in psychology is that habits help self-regulation, but changing your routines, even slightly, helps creativity. Your partner not being there will result in at least subtle changes in your routines. This can lead to discoveries—for example, if the person who stays home finds new options for feeding or entertaining your kids that work well.

3. You'll learn how your partner's presence affects you.

We sometimes blame partners unfairly for our own poor self-regulation. For example, we blame them for why we don't eat better. However, sometimes our partner's presence does adversely affect us in intriguing ways.

Curiously, I often find I'm more productive when my spouse isn't home, even though I'm looking after our kids alone. Figuring out why this is the case can be helpful. For example, I need to be better organized when my spouse is away, and this tends to benefit my productivity.

4. Changing your modes of communication can improve your conversations.

One routine that changes when you're apart is how you communicate. For example, you may not usually Facetime or email each other. This change in routine can have positive effects, like if Facetiming results in paying attention more while talking or if it's easier to discuss contentious topics or make requests of the other person over email than in person.

Whether you want time apart or it's forced on you, it can have a wide variety of psychological benefits both to the individuals and the relationship."

*There will definitely be times when couples will be separated, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing! Separation can allow for individual and couples' growth. There is nothing wrong with some time alone because honestly, we can't constantly spend time with one person. We need to experience other people and places. It's vital we remain independent people in our relationship because you still are your own person. I like to make sure I am spending enough time on my own and with my friends to maintain independence. What do you like to do to make sure you are taking care of yourself in your relationship?*

#Relationships #Independence #Individuality

Please find the full list of tips at Psychology Today.

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