Alcohol Abuse with Children

Hello, my whole life I have been stuck with abusive men. From my father all the way down to my ex fiancé.

i drank. ALOT. To try to deal with the trauma I have been through from child hood, teens, even adult hood now by drowning myself in alcohol. In those times of drunken stupor I would be screamed at, manhandled etc.

For the man that I am now seeing, he is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my entire 24 years of existence. He cares for me more than any man I’ve ever had in my life, appreciates who I am as a person, who I want to become, what I want to do in life. He’s caring and nurturing and would do anything in the world for me without me even having to ask. I’ve never had love like this before. Never felt love like this before.

He had two sweet little kids, ages 8 and 9. Who love me and think the world of me, and I love and think the world of them as well.

I’m an alcoholic. I stopped drinking for a long time and learned to drink in moderation, but in the past 3 months we’ve been together I’ve been binge drinking constantly. I become horrible when drinking, I say things I don’t mean, do things I can never take back. I don’t know if it’s burned into my head now that when I drink something horrible will happen to me like before with the other men I’ve been with, so I feel the need to be horrible first?..

I am terrified of how my actions will shape these children, and how much longer it will be before he finally doesn’t want me anymore. I am seeking help. I need it I need to take a break for a long time because I don’t know what I will do if I lose my little family I’ve been wanting for a long time now…