2 Years Clean

TW: DRUG AND ALCOHOL REFERENCES

TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT

Hi, everyone! Today, I am two years clean from meth. It seems like not too long ago, I was using and my life was in tatters. I was selling my body for just one more hit, spending all my time trying to score.

Not only was I using meth but I was also a heavy drinker and pill user. Basically anything that could get me out of that moment and onto the next one, I ingested. It was an awful way to live; it was killing me.

My mom invited me and my s/o to a bar tonight to sing karaoke. Why I thought this was a good idea, I will never know. We got there and as soon as the front door closed behind me, I knew I didnt belong there. My palms got sweaty and I could smell the stale alcohol in the air.

It brought me right back to that dark time more than two years ago. All my senses were tuned into the past and it felt like I couldn't escape. I thought back to all the times I was too wasted to consent, too out of my mind to worry about what I was putting into my body.

We spent maybe an hour at the bar before I couldn't stand it anymore. We ducked out quickly and didn't look back. My mom thinks that we left because of my anxiety and I don't have the heart to tell her the truth. Better she think it was anxiety than know all of the awful things I have done and have had done to me. Better she be ignorant to my suffering.