Addictions

This is the first time I’ve ever been to this app. I guess I was looking for a safe space to really talk about how I feel. What my problems are. All the not so rosey *** no one talks about on social media.

Today my car was repossessed. A real rock bottom moment for me. There’s a bit of a journey to how I got where I am. All of it my fault. And I definitely don’t feel sorry for myself.

I am clinically depressed. Like most of us. I feel I started life as an adult and I’m regressing. My depression caused me to not care up to the point that I stopped paying attention. I go through the motions. I knew what the eventual consequences would be. I didn’t care. I didn’t have enough in me to care. I don’t think I do even now. Except now I’ve involved other people. I never intended to hurt anyone else. Or cause anyone hardships.

I am an alcoholic. If not alcohol then weed. If not weed then shopping. If not shopping then sex and so on and so forth.

I am 46 years old. No children. My husband is 14 years younger than me. I quit my 6 figure job a year and a half ago. My financial situation has never been worse. And I feel like I caused it all on purpose. I sabotaged my life. And I don’t even know why.

I have no idea if this is the type of thing people post here. I don’t think I care. I just need the outlet.