Fighting the Start of Alcoholism (Possible Triggers)

** Possible triggers about eating disorders, self-harm, and alcohol

Hey everyone,

I've been fighting the urge to start drinking. I have never had alcohol before but want to start. Right now I have a few addictions in place of that urge, attachment issues, addiction to 7cups, and addiction to self-harm. I've been trying to end those addictions but can't, so I've given up on recovery from all except binge-eating. I have a feeling I'll fall back into anorexia, another "addiction" I used to have. Without anorexia, nothing is enough anymore. I constantly feel lonely, angry, depressed, guilty, and if I'm not feeling one of these emotions, I'm feeling empty.

Without friends and family support, there is no reason to stay healthy, no reason to be accountable for myself or my actions. I'm so desperate to feel better. I don't know how else to feel better because nothing else works anymore. I don't have friends right now since I can't have them without getting attached; I've pushed them all away with my issues anyway. So I have no one in my life to talk to about this. Alcoholism runs in my family but I'm so close to not caring about the consequences. What can I do?