Admitting I’m an addict.

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting something like this, on here or otherwise. I’ve never wanted to admit to myself that I’m a junkie, but I’ve reached a point where I can’t ignore this reality any longer. I feel like if I don’t put it in words and bite the bullet so to speak, I’ll find a way to ignore it forever. I need accountability, I need some sort of direction to point my brain in, I need to screw my head back on straight and do something.

I’ve been using coke daily, throughout the day, for coming up on 2 years now. I wake up and I use, I exist in my day to day high, I go to sleep (when I can) high, rinse and repeat. My face has changed, my nose isn’t built the same anymore, the constant aches and pains aren’t something I can turn a blind eye to anymore and I’m struggling with that.

Im severely ADHD, diagnosed very young and heavily medicated from my youth onward. I go to uppers because they make me feel “normal”. I’m tired of this normal. Even if I can find a way to dial it back, to restrict myself, that would be an improvement.

Has anyone else here been in a similar position? How did you convince yourself to begin the change? How do you put your foot down and say “that’s enough”? I know I physically can’t quit cold turkey right now. I just need something, anything, to keep me on the path I envision in my mind but never walk down. Why can’t I look at myself and have the motivation to restrict myself?

I know it’s bad, I’m constantly aware of my soreness and sensitivity to everything, I just can’t get the ball to stop from rolling.

Thanks for reading, much love.