Couple who use meth together need advice or support.
Hello I personally started using 8 months ago and my partner has used about 3 years we take breaks and are good at controlling our use which is say is on the low side.
Meth for me helps me with my adhd, I stay very clear minded and remain the same person I am when sober. It doesn't change who I am.
Unfortunately meth has the ability to completely change who my parter is. The way he behaves and acts and a lack of empathy and total disregard of my feelings.
I have of course approached him about us both stopping but it's clear that's not a option right now. Also I am not willing to leave this relationship. I want to make things work between us.
I'm at a loss of what to do. Partner agrees and says he is willing to make positive changes and work with me to help this relationship yet he doesn't do much to actually actively show me this.
In the beginning of our relationship when I first used we had fantastic times during our use. We spoke for hours we learnt so much about each other and it was times I'll never forget.
But now nearly every time we use on day 3 to 4 of using something happens and he gets triggered and we end up in a conflict situation where he will then only communicate with me via our phones. Therefore I know because he has told me he doesn't read my replies that I'm not being able to express my feelings and emotions about how this is making me feel.
I'm wondering if in the future I should allow him the space he needs but also not engage with him in any way? I know this is going to happen again somehow... a pattern is clearly showing. So what can I do? How can I work to minimise this happening again?
I'm just at a loss....
@missXvamp That’s how it always goes hun. The dudes really freak out especially on day 3/4.
you have to go to sleep every night even if just for a couple hours.
Try cutting way back and agree to keep it more on the low and always have dinner and go to bed together. It should help with the mind tricks that come from lack of sleep and the testiness from being up a few days
you know you have to quit lol. but there’s some things to try first. I wish you luck! Feel free to reach out
I absolutely agree yes we do but he isn't making that a option right now. I will talk to him about what you have mentioned and hopefully he is willing to at least try and implement doing these things. I know how hard it is to sleep I go days without. Luckily it doesn't effect me mentally it just means I'm exhausted.
I have literally googled trying to find access to help and advice for couple's in active addiction and I can't find anything at all!! Seriously I don't understand why there isn't some forum or anything to help couples in active use. Surely there must be loads of people in my situation...
Anyway thank you. 😊
@missXvamp
The reason you're having difficulty finding direction for couples' recovery is because that's not how you're supposed to do it and your chances of success are roughly equivalent to winning the Powerball.
First, get rid of the idea that meth is in any way good for either of you. It isn't. There are other ways to manage ADHD. Aside from that neither one of you is likely to have any success in quitting if the other one is still using. Just because his behavior is different from yours doesn't mean anything other than the drug has a stronger hold on him... for now. If you keep using then you're liable to find yourself where he is now before you even realize it. That's how chemical dependency works.
Second, recovering from chemical dependency is not a "couples" activity like a weekend retreat or date night. Your recovery will not be the same as his and vice versa. Your recovery has to be grounded in YOU and his recovery has to be grounded in HIM. Especially considering the apparently instability of the situation you've expressed here neither one of you is in a proper place to be the recovery support for another person. Because you are romantically involved you shouldn't be thinking about working as resources for each other anyway because neither of you is going to be able to see the other with the necessary objectivity.
Each person's addiction is a personal issue for that person. What motivates you to use is not the same as what motivates him to use. In order to properly recover from addiction you really need to be able to focus on yourself and why you are an addict. You can't be worried about holding a relationship together and addressing your addictive behaviors at the same time. It's okay to maintain the contact and share experiences to nurture the relationship, but ideally you really should consider that each of you look into separate rehab programs. You've identified a pattern and if you want to have a legitimate chance at happiness as a couple than you need to break the cycle that you're in.
I know I'm not saying what you want to hear but take it from a guy that had to be separated from the woman he loved because we were both in active addiction. We maintained contact but spent the bulk of our time apart while we each focused on ourselves. It wasn't necessarily fun but in the end we got married and stayed that way, substance-free, for 23 years until she passed away.
I would very much like for you and your boyfriend to have a happy ending to your story, but your best chance for that is to face the reality of your situation and consider facing a difficult chapter in life right now. What is meant to be will be and if your love is true then it can withstand the time it takes to focus individually on recovery.
I wish you both all the best.
