Family issues

I am a teenager. I had to deal with so many things. It’s a wonder that I am still here, I could have been gone already in summer, or last winter or 4 years earlier. No matter what I do I do not enough. Or this is what my parents say. But they don’t know even a bit about my struggles. As well as my friends. It is so hard to hear them bad mouth people with my struggles. But this keeps me going. If I go, they will know that I am this kind of a person and will bad mouth me. Or maybe it won’t make even such a big difference since they don’t treat me well even now.