Feeling lost

So I have been mentally, verbally and physically and sexsualy abused and well yeah I didn't know it was wrong at the time from and he was in my like since I was two so it was hard. My mom didn't have the courage to leave so yeah it cost me my mental health. I now struggle with bipolar disorder and severe anxiety and fear of men. It was worse and I'm definitely at a beter place rn but not where I want to be so I really need some help. I want like advice or just someone to reply to this. He used to beat me whenever I did something wrong I was held down and hit with sticks that were sharp until I was bleeding. He was always mad at me but nice to other kids, he treated me like a slave, I had to wash all the dishes when I was just 6. I went on a vacation for a few weeks once and when I came back the same dishes that were there when I left were still there when I came back and I had to wash it all with worms and all. He never allowed me to shower with the doors closed because he didn't know what I was doing then. He would make jokes about my private parts and say that ny b**bs are big for ny age all the time. There's so much more but I just need someone to talk to