Gambling

My addiction and my behavioral disorder are so significant that after a week of great trauma following the losses I suffered, I am already thinking about how beautiful and easy life would be if I resumed my addiction. It's amazingly shocking, I don't even give myself the time to heal and breathe and fully realize the misery I'm in... My thoughts are sucked in, dragged away, swallowed up. I here helpless, seeing where I am wandering and in what pitiful state I am.

It has ended, it ends and it will always end badly. What do I hope for when I start again? Repair the pain and the physical and psychological harm that I have put myself through over the last eight years? Find strength, energy and joy of living? Gain confidence for the future? Satisfy my ego that refuses to lose this way?

Nothing...absolutely nothing of this is certain and cannot be acquired sustainably by giving in to my addiction. This is the truth and I must face it.

Life is difficult but not bad. I love it with its challenges, how it is made, how it is limited, how it passes, how it shows us of all the colors, how it makes us swing between so many states... Unfortunately, I am almost all the time away from seeing this, or maybe my addiction is just one experience among many others in my life?

No… It goes beyond the simple experience that we appreciate or not and from which we learn lessons or not. My addiction prevents me from living and enjoying life