I am very addicted to vaping nicotine and smoking weed

Hi I am 19 and I have a very bad problem with vapes and weed, I have epilepsy that is caused by stress but a big cause can also be vapes when I have to much I black out and seizure but I have been secretly vaping behind my fionce and friends and family for months not because I don’t care about them just cause I am so addicted and I have been doing it for so long I don’t know how to stop, my fionce caught me vaping a few days ago and we sorted it and talked about it but I found her vape last night after only going 2 days without it and i instantly tried it and she found out but I just kept doing it because I didn’t really care about myself like I always think about suicide and I always dream about it so that’s why I just don’t sleep much but I’m not suicidal I’d never do it it’s just on my mind all the time even when I’m sleeping so I just want to try and get control over myself before I loose everyone or even worse loose my life, but yeah this is all new to me sorry if I’m yapping on just need someone to talk to but have a good day everyone.