My journey starts here.
So this is my first post on seven cups and I know there’s too much going on internally for me to entirely get it out here but the main thing I’m going to share on this thread is I wanted to share some things about my drug addiction and what has been helping currently to hopefully find sobriety. I’m only 20 years old and unfortunately I became a substance abuser and alcoholic at a very very young age. Initially I was only a weed smoker starting at the age of 12 and I wouldn’t say I used it as my scapegoat from reality yet but I did in my young mind find think that doing that stuff somehow made me feel cooler…it wouldn’t be til a month after I turned 15 that an untimely death would alter that forever. My step dad(or the man that stepped up to be my dad) passed away on his 40th birthday and I was never able to say goodbye. It absolutely devastated me, my brothers, my mom, and the rest of my immediate family extremely. I fell into the deepest depression of my entire life and would soon turn to methamphetamines and fentanyl to sugarcoat how horrible I internally felt about everything happening in my life. I never thought about how that would affect me going into my adult life before I made the stupid choice to become dependent on it but before I would even turn 18 I would be placed on juvenile corrections or isp depending on where your from and yet I would still use the exact substances that were destroying my life. I did quit using for short periods of time to pass my ua’s but still to this day I’m stuggling to recover from the disease of addiction. I haven’t been clean very long and I’m hoping that this reach for help could catch someone attention if their willing to read it…I don’t know how to keep my head on the right path right now because whenever anything in my life goes wrong or not how I planned it…the only thing I can think to do is go get a bubble or a straw and tin foil to forget about pain that the struggles life cause for my heart and mind.
@quickwittedBanana816
It sounds like you've been through a lot for someone so young. I have an addictive personality myself, so I have some idea about how it feels as though emotional pain can be avoided with substances that distort perception.
My dad was a chronically depressed alcoholic, and I followed in his footsteps. I did some substances, but it was mostly alcohol. Substances lost their appeal after I spent days out of my mind and not even realizing it.
Some of the things I've learned along the way include the realization that the pursuit of numbness that goes along with addiction, can delay grief processing, which can prolong its acute presence, in some cases, for a lifetime. I've also learned that self-love, personal validation, and empowerment can provide the strength needed to attain freedom from addiction.
While humans tend to have a great talent and persistent habit of taking inventory of all their flaws, and then feeling profoundly discouraged and guilty because of them, it's far too rare that they acknowledge their talents, compassion, empathy, and very real successes.
Even if you've not been successful at remaining clean, give yourself credit for whatever length of time in which you were clean. I smoked two packs of non-filtered cigarettes daily for over 20 years. When I quit, in the beginning, my abstinence goal started out in half hour intervals. In other words, I'd ask myself if I could make it for another 30 minutes, then another, and another, and so on. Then it was, "can I make it through the day?" Each small increment of time was providing cumulative evidence that freedom from the habit was possible.
If you are clean for a day or a week, you deserve a great deal of credit. Each time you do that, you are providing yourself with evidence of your strength.
Your strength is real, even if sometimes finding it is difficult.
Your journey starts here, as does your success.