New ruling thoughts
Hello I am a male and have MDD and have a sex/porn addiction that has ruined me in many ways.
I had a breakthrough couple of months ago by finally seeking psychiatric care and started on 2 antidepressants. They helped tremendously with the sex/porn addiction but it also left me extremely tired and made me sleep a lot! Which was awful as I am needed at home to take of my kids and housework and work.
So the psych team and I decided to cut half of the 1 medication that made me super drowsy and caused me to sleep. It helped out but now my urges are coming back 5x worse than before.
Unfortunately, now things are getting worse. I've hurt my relationship before and I've hurt myself many many times.
Now I'm find people who are much older than me attractive in sexual ways and getting urges and etc. I've been fighting my phone to not go into any sites and am winning for now but don't know how long I can last.
Unfortunately, my gf doesn't have any libido so she doesn't have the same desires I have which make it much harder.
I think of many things. I want to be wanted. I want to be touched and seek after. Which all of it are dangerous combinations of self-ruin.
Hey @Layfon21, thank you for sharing all of this. It sounds like you've been dealing with a really heavy mix of things, and I'm really glad you reached out instead of trying to sit with it alone. Managing MDD, addiction, medication changes, relationship stress and urges all at once is a lot for anyone, and it makes sense why you would feel overwhelmed.
I can really hear from your post how hard you've been trying by sourcing psychiatric care, you started medication, you noticed the improvements and you worked with your team to adjust things when the side effects become too much. That's a huge amount of effort, and it shows how much you want things to get better. It's incredibly frustrating when fixing one problems makes another flare up again.
I can imagine it feels scary that the urges have returned, especially when you've worked so hard to get them under control. It is not easy to fight your phone, try to avoid sites, notice that your thoughts are shifting in ways that worry you. It seems like you are doing the best thing for you by recognising it early and reaching out for support instead of letting it spiral.
It also makes sense that the situation with your girlfriend adds another layer. When your needs and her needs don’t line up, it can leave you feeling unwanted or untouched, and those feelings can feed into the addiction in a really painful way. Wanting to feel desired or close to someone is a human thing, not a flaw, but I hear how dangerous it feels when those emotions mix with the urges you’re trying to manage.
You're not alone in this, and you are welcome to keep talking about it here, or to connect to a listener to discuss further💜