Started cigarettes again

After not smoking for about 8 years, I recently started smoking again, and I hate myself for it. There is a huge part of me who wants to quit, but it’s hard. I started to smoke again because my life feels like garbage. I’m going to be 35 in 5 days, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to find any enjoyment out of anything, but these cigarettes keep me from getting angry, which was one of my biggest problems.