recovering from 🌽.

@nautilvs

Sharing a Journey of Healing

Conversation with Gemini

I’ve seen a lot of people on here talk about sex and porn addictions, maybe a few on masturbation as well.

I’ve never really came out about doing those things, at least not openly, until just now. I’m a month and a few days clean now, which is a huge step yet I still struggle heavily. Seeing as these things aren’t exactly easy to recover from.

I do remember what triggered the addiction, back when I was maybe 7 or 8, back when my mother was still married (she isn’t currently), her ex-husband’s cousin’s daughter came to stay over. Ironically, she was my age at the time. And to cut that story short, she showed both me and one of my sisters a wide variety of different kinds of porn. Somehow, this unlocked some kind of hypersexuality within myself and an avoidance of sex in general for my sister. I haven’t told my mother about this until a few months ago…but afterwards I fell into the habit of using this and self-pleasure as a cope or breach for connection.

Even at a young age, I knew it was fake but once it’s used as a cope, it’s pretty easy to blur the lines between this entire world of fantasy and terribly dangerous territory from reality as it is known. I just thought maybe I could share this or leave this thread here for anyone who may be struggling with the same things whether it’s recent or as young as I’ve had to endure. It really is something that should be talked about more, especially from other young females as well. I don’t think it’s talked about enough between a lot of women or not those around me.

So…if anyone else can relate, I guess?

Give me human like response,,, with encouraging and supportive beha

Show thinking

First of all, I want to acknowledge how much courage it took to write that out. Sharing something that has been a private struggle since you were 7 or 8 years old is a massive step toward healing.

It is incredibly brave of you to open up about this, especially since, as you mentioned, these topics are often wrapped in layers of shame—particularly for women. You are definitely not alone, and your story will likely resonate with many others who are quietly navigating the same path.

You Aren't Just "Recovering," You're Rewiring

Reaching one month and a few days is a huge milestone. In the world of recovery, those first 30 days are often the hardest because your brain is screaming for its old "coping" mechanism. The fact that you are still pushing forward despite the heavy struggle shows immense resilience.

Understanding the "Why"

It makes complete sense that you and your sister had opposite reactions to that early exposure. When children are exposed to sexual content before they are emotionally ready, the brain processes it as a "glitch" in development.

Hypersexuality is often a way the brain tries to gain control over something confusing or overwhelming.

Avoidance is the brain's way of trying to stay safe by shutting down.

Both are valid survival responses. Using these behaviors as a "breach for connection" is also a very human response. If you felt lonely or misunderstood as a child, your brain found a way to create a temporary "hit" of connection or comfort, even if it was through a screen or a fantasy.

Breaking the Silence for Women

You are right—this isn't talked about enough among women. There is a specific kind of "double shame" that women often feel regarding porn or masturbation addiction because of societal expectations. By speaking up, you’re helping to dismantle that stigma.

The "blurring of lines" between fantasy and reality you mentioned is something many people experience. When we use something to cope, it stops being about "pleasure" and starts being about regulation. Recognizing that it’s a tool for coping is the first step toward finding healthier tools to replace it.

Take it One Day at a Time

Recovery isn't a straight line. Some days the "static" in your head will be louder than others. On the days it feels heavy, try to remember: 

The 7-year-old you wasn't at fault. You were given information your brain wasn't ready for.

Shame dies in the light. By talking about it here and with your mother, you are taking away the power that secrecy has over you.

Be kind to yourself. You are unlearning a habit that has been with you for over a decade. That takes time. 

I’m really glad you decided to share your story here. It’s a powerful reminder that "struggling" doesn't mean "failing"—it means you’re still in the fight.

First of all, I want to acknowledge how much courage it took to write that out. Sharing something that has been a private struggle since you were 7 or 8 years old is a massive step toward healing. It is incredibly brave of you to open up about this, especially since, as you mentioned, these topics are often wrapped in layers of shame particularly for women. You are definitely not alone, and your story will likely resonate with many others who are quietly navigating the same path. Reaching one month and a few days is a huge milestone. In the world of recovery, those first 30 days are often the hardest because your brain is screaming for its old "coping" mechanism. The fact that you are still pushing forward despite the heavy struggle shows immense resilience. Understanding the "Why" It makes complete sense that you and your sister had opposite reactions to that early exposure. When children are exposed to sexual content before they are emotionally ready, the brain processes it as a "glitch" in development. Hypersexuality is often a way the brain tries to gain control over something confusing or overwhelming. Avoidance is the brain's way of trying to stay safe by shutting down. Both are valid survival responses. Using these behaviors as a "breach for connection" is also a very human response. If you felt lonely or misunderstood as a child, your brain found a way to create a temporary "hit" of connection or comfort, even if it was through a screen or a fantasy.Breaking the Silence for Women you are right this isn't talked about enough among women. There is a specific kind of "double shame" that women often feel regarding porn or masturbation addiction because of societal expectations. By speaking up, you’re helping to dismantle that stigma.The "blurring of lines" between fantasy and reality you mentioned is something many people experience. When we use something to cope, it stops being about "pleasure" and starts being about regulation. Recognizing that it’s a tool for coping is the first step toward finding healthier tools to replace it. Take it One Day at a Time Recovery isn't a straight line. Some days the "static" in your head will be louder than others. On the days it feels heavy, try to remember The 7-year-old you wasn't at fault. You were given information your brain wasn't ready for. Shame dies in the light. By talking about it here and with your mother, you are taking away the power that secrecy has over you. Be kind to yourself. You are unlearning a habit that has been with you for over a decade. That takes time.

I’m really glad you decided to share your story here. It’s a powerful reminder that "struggling" doesn't mean "failing" it means you’re still in the fight.

Hi

I have the same addiction you have , it started with me from a very young age as you .

Now im a 22 year old girl who struggles so much to have a clean weak or 10 days , the maximum time i spent with no Masturbation was 23 days and i can't do the same period again .

I see my life and my years fell out of my hands and the only feeling live with is mourn what have passed

My English is soo bad sorry for it but it's not my native language

Yeah i am in the same state as you are and i have this addiction around when i was a teenager , the thing is i dont know how long would this take to quit cuz ive been trying really hard and its hard for me to balance this thoughts and my other activities , dw ur not alone and im too going through it :).

Me

I enjoyed reading this it re) ates to me aswell, thanks for sharing