Food Addict

I have been a food addict since I was 5. I have other health issues that complicate things. I have lost and regained large amounts of weight over the years to the point my doctor is concerned about the strain I have put on my heart. What else can I do but keep trying? I can’t stay this way. And for the most part my weight loss episodes have been done in a healthy way. But maintaining it is the problem. A binge, a flare up of depression, a holiday feast, and psoriasis flare up, a fight with my mother or father…. These are a few of the hundreds of things that send me spiraling. Today my therapist has me in a tailspin and I can’t tell whether it will make things worse or piss me off and spark a new battle back to some normalcy. Time will tell.

Feeling hopeless and helpless in this moment, at the mercy of every trigger out there and inside myself. How many wars can you wage against your own body? I am running out of time. Whether I figure this out or not I am running out of time.

im sorry for the tone of my post. I am usually much more positive and hopeful but just can’t muster it right now. Honesty feels so awful sometimes.