what is the first step to sobriety? trigger warning.
My thoughts... the phrase "rock bottom" in order to change is not something I wish upon anyone. Afterall, many peple often face death as their rock bottom. I don't wish upon anyone to gamble one life that's given to them. Cliche but I think my motivation for change is what mattered to me the most. Whatever your motivation for quitting or slowing my substance use may be, a time will come when that motivation stands between your success and failure. bottom line is, you have to want it and seek it.
So... what was your first step of motivation? Mine wasn't a positive motivation at all. Infact it was very negative and dark. " I am going to die at this speed, if I die trying, I die". I guess it wasn't much of a motivation but a challenge I took upon myself with a hefty risk; my life. This all sounds dreadful but it's okay. I later realized, it was easier perhaps my only way to start my motivation. It was ultimately my job to figure out how to seek positive motivation to keep myself directing to my final destination, SOBRIETY.
You might feel angry and hopeless in the start of creating motivation but hey... you have to start somewhere. No one wakes up one morning with a smile and become sober without any trial and error. I am not going to lie, it's a tough road so be kind to yourself and let your relaps become your lessons.
MY FIRST STEP of directing my uber negative motivation to positive was,
highlighting my physical and emotional effected by my substance use. I listed them in my journal, my physical and emotional changes day by day. I wrote a data like journal for about 30 days before I realized my patterns and benefits. By the way, I was first very against this idea because in my head I already knew exactly what my patterns were and what might change for the better. But what I didn't realize was that it meant much more significant when I took 30-min to an hr a day to sit and write my progress. But it makes perfect sense, WE all think much faster than we write, the time I sat to write my progress was time I reprogrammed my perspective in making my motivation positive.
I hope this helped and I am including one resource for you to tinker for whoever is reading. Please share what your first step of motivation looks like and why that was most important part for YOU.
thank you for taking your time out of your day to read and share. Have a great weekend everyone!
Hi Im very curious about your experience. Im hoping you could expand with a little more detail on the journaling you were doing for the thirty days.
was this while you were still using or after you had started your recovery journey?
Ive been starting to read a lot of literature associated with AA and Im just really having a hard time getting past that first day of abstinence.
@blueBeach6823
I come in and out of being organized in general. My personal life especially... I live under strict guideline when I have to but my primary way of completing a task is to just to wing it. I am glad you asked because journaling my recovery journey was very different from "my personality". I didn't really like having a pattern of what I wanted to include everyday. First week or so, my journal was all over the place! I started writing more of how I felt and my negative emotion that were induced by withdrawls. I became more and more frustrated and my motivation remained very negative. After reading bunch of blogs and drowning myself in the internet on how to write appropriate recovery journals, I came across a light bulb moment. I drafted what I called the check list. It forced me to focus on the positive, straight forward answer instead of ranting about how depressed and pathetic I am. If you're a regular journaler, I suggest you continue but keep it seperapte from your recovery journal. I don't remember exactly what and order my "check list" was but I will name few that comes to my mind.
Health- Weight gain or loss, problems with menstrual cycle,
Emotional- # of panic/anxiety attacks, events when I had mood swings, feeling of anger, suicidal thoughts, feeling guilt, feeling ugly, general wtf moments that I have no explainations
Employment function- # of deadline completed, change in mood at work, how many coffee I drank...
Family- how many times I encountered my mother, conversation content, how I felt at the end of encounters and etc.
As you can tell, my check list is highly personalized. Most of my check list contained some sort of number and I included "unknown" events that I just decided to put it back in the back burner, things like "Linda's wedding 5/12/15, may not go"
I enjoyed revising my list every now and then. The "wtf moment" was actually my favorite addition. I wrote down what really bothered me about the lady in line at the gas station. Feeling anger because she made a comment about how many red bulls I was about to buy.. humor goes long way for me. I added that for quick giggles.
I think the whole point of my journal was to give myself time to sit and reprogram my perspective. I didn't want to fight aggressively through my addiction. I wanted to take time away from everyone and everything at least for the time I summarizied my day.
I did relaps few times during the first couple months but that didn't stop me from journaling. As I started habitually writing my progress, I was able to change my motivation to positive. Being mindful of things that triggered me, being mindful of numbers of times I wanted to use again, how many times I was able to bite my tongue when I felt anger, and most importantly, my attitude in changing from damaged self.
Your journal doesn't have to look anything like mine or anyone else. Make something that works for you and be creative! My friend actually had an odd idea to sell my 3 journals I wrote on ebay. I thought he was kidding but he sold it for me for $380. Crazy what people would pay for!
anyways, there is no easy recovery and it is going to kick your butt. So be gentle with yourself and don't be so hard on yourself. ps- you will learn how to love youself through your journey no matter how you go about it. If you love yourself enough, you won't go there again.
Thank you again for taking the time to read and share. If you want to catch a talk, you can pm me. have a good weekend.
@Jackie
wow this is great. I have a lot of work ahead of me but I
