Broken Trust
My boyfriend is 140 days sober and I am proud of him. However, I can't stop worrying. I remember all of the awful things...lying, cheating, stealing, disrespect, disregard, violence...and I'm afraid they will happen again. I question his every word and action. It keeps me up at night and distracted during the day. I know that my emotional and mental state is not conducive to his recovery. How can I manage the obsessive thinking? How can I teach myself to trust again? Also, I feel really alone. My friends and family all hate him now so I have no one to talk to or support me. Thanks for reading.
@carefulNest9366
Hi .. I can understand your situation, tusting someone again after they broke your trust is really difficult.
I feel as you have decided to give him a fair chance again, if you keep questining him for every action or anything he does he may feel that you have still not truly forgiven him. As you have mentioned that you are proud of him, I think you can stop questioning him (even though there are questions or doubts in your mind). You can silently keep a watch to satisfy your doubts & eventually that trust will come back. But I feel if you frequenly confront him & question him, building trust in the relationship can take little time.
One way of convincing yourself for trusting him more will be looking at the positives of your relationship, some the good qualities that he has, some of the things which even you would have not done right in the relationship. So if we can put more positive things in our mind we can own up our decision & it may help to build the lost trust. There would be many such reasons why you have taken the decision of giving him one more chance & if you just focus on those reasons, it will help you calm yourself down so that you dont end up thinking only about the negative probabilities.
Take care
I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to write this. Your words seem extremely helpful and you provided some really helpful advice. Thank you so much. I will try to stay positive.
@carefulNest9366
I am glad you found my reply helpful. Take care
For me it is helpful to focus on the small things everyday. When I made the decision to forgive my husband. I had to let go of all the hurt and negative because otherwise, I was the one destroying us. No one can change what they did in the past. And circling that does not help you go forward.
I know what you mean. My family and friends hate my husband too. I can't vent to them. And if I were to tell them he keeps trying to get me to do drugs they would for sure hate him more. Anytime I talk to someone about what I'm going through, they tell me to leave him or I'm better off without him. It's easier said than done because they're not the ones living through it. In the back of my head constantly I think of how he has betrayed my trust and disappointed me. I can't get out of my head either