I'm so tired of this

I don't really know what to think about this topic, but I feel like I need to get it out somehow.

My aunt is an alcoholic, and she invited us for her birthday (which is today) a week ago. And most of the times she invites us she is sleeping it off when we get there, and tells us to leave and go home.

But today she was up and seemed cheerful. But damn she was drunk. She was almost impossible to understand, and didn't seem to understand us most of the time. But we stayed - for some reason - and she sobered up through the evening. We ended up having fun at the end, even if she began being drunk.

I just... can't seem to understand why I keep going there, when I know there is a 90% chance that she will be drunk. I feel like... I should go no matter what, and go home if she is drunk, if there is a chance she is not. And I feel really bad about not going, so I always go. But every time she is drunk, I feel so sad and hurt that she couldn't just stay sober for us - for just one evening.

But should I really feel bad, as it hurts every time she "shows up" drunk, if I don't show up for her anymore? I'm just so sick and tired of coming to her stuff and she is drunk off of her ass.

And she won't get better. She has alcohol brain damage, and she doesn't think she has a problem. So she won't ever get better. She is 55 yo, and will probably die of this. What can I do? Bc some days I wanna cut all contact, but other days I remember good times with her and miss her 😔