My ex has an addiction

My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago. We were together for three years. For the last year of our relationship, he lied to me about being addicted to crack. We did not have a healthy relationship for that year and I was constantly confused as to what I was doing wrong that was breaking my partnership with the most important person in my life. I struggle with family relationships and am extremely independent because my parents were also addicts. I did not find out about the addiction until after he broke up with me, and threw it in my face along with telling me millions of other things such as I was and will never be good enough for him. He hurt me to the point of feeling numb. Now feeling positive emotions are far and few in between. I cant stay away from him and it’s painful. We always call each other when we have no one else to talk to or be there for us, he calls me to check in on me if my mental health isn’t well, we can’t speak to each other typically without crying. He said all these painful things during then break up and now calls me crying saying he he’ll never forgive himself for the things he said to me. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Someone please help me deal with it.