How to kill a Pornography addict
Good Evening, For the sake of myself I'll be keeping identity anonymous. Hi I am a young man currently living in South Africa. I just turned 20 and I met the Love of my Life about a year ago. I am blessed with a good family and loving parents, who would give me their kidney or even their house to me.
When I was 11 years old I first discovered the world of porn. Innocent little me thought that this was the jackpot. From a innocent question... What does a real naked woman actually look like? No Ulterior motives, no animalistic desires. Just plain simple curiosity.
My big problem was it never stopped and it never stayed the same. First was photos, Then videos. Soon I was reading smut, comics and even roleplaying against AI. Virtual reality goggles and even audio books. It got to bad where straight porn wasn't enough. For the sake of this forum I want to say I am not attracted to the same sex. I can walk by the most handsome of men and not feel anything but it was all about that drive.
Black, White, Asian... Different races, different cultures. Same sex, Opposite sex, lesbians, Trans... Everything that existed was enough to feed my Need... What ever need that was.
So so I got addicted to meeting random people online and video calling them, Role playing or even acting like a furry. I need someone to talk to about this because my Girlfriend found out. She's still been dating me and I thank God for that.
The title of your post shows how much pain and anger you are holding toward yourself right now. I am replying because I know exactly what it feels like to be trapped in that dark loop, feeling like a monster while trying to hide it from the people you love. You are not alone in this, and you are not broken.
What you described regarding the escalation (moving from photos to videos, AI roleplay, VR, and online calls) is pure neurobiology. When an addiction starts at age 11, the brain's reward system adapts to massive drops of dopamine. Over time, it develops tolerance, and it desperately demands novelty and higher intensity just to feel the same effect. Your brain was just chasing the chemical drive, looking for more complex stimuli to break that tolerance. Understanding this is the first step to stopping the self-hatred.
Please, don't let your "blessed life" become a source of shame. Addiction is a disease, not a lack of gratitude. The fact that your girlfriend found out and chose to stay is a massive blessing. Don't use her presence to feel guilty; use it as an anchor.
Since you mentioned thanking God, I want to encourage you to lean into that instead of running away in shame. I highly recommend spending some time with the Bible, specifically holding onto 1 Corinthians 10:13:
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
You are not uniquely ruined; what you are experiencing is a human battle, and as the verse says, there is a way out. You don't need to "kill" yourself to fix this; you need to heal the part of you that got trapped at 11 years old. Forgive yourself for the escalation—it's how the brain reacts to addiction—and use your support system and a professional therapist to take the first step toward recovery. There is hope, brother.
The title of your post shows how much pain and anger you are holding toward yourself right now. I am replying because I know exactly what it feels like to be trapped in that dark loop, feeling like a monster while trying to hide it from the people you love. You are not alone in this, and you are not broken.
What you described regarding the escalation (moving from photos to videos, AI roleplay, VR, and online calls) is pure neurobiology. When an addiction starts at age 11, the brain's reward system adapts to massive drops of dopamine. Over time, it develops tolerance, and it desperately demands novelty and higher intensity just to feel the same effect. Your brain was just chasing the chemical drive, looking for more complex stimuli to break that tolerance. Understanding this is the first step to stopping the self-hatred.
Please, don't let your "blessed life" become a source of shame. Addiction is a disease, not a lack of gratitude. The fact that your girlfriend found out and chose to stay is a massive blessing. Don't use her presence to feel guilty; use it as an anchor.
Since you mentioned thanking God, I want to encourage you to lean into that instead of running away in shame. I highly recommend spending some time with the Bible, specifically holding onto 1 Corinthians 10:13:
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
You are not uniquely ruined; what you are experiencing is a human battle, and as the verse says, there is a way out. You don't need to "kill" yourself to fix this; you need to heal the part of you that got trapped at 11 years old. Forgive yourself for the escalation—it's how the brain reacts to addiction—and use your support system and a professional therapist to take the first step toward recovery. There is hope, brother.
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. Can we chat ?
