Im a recovering porn addict. Me and my gf broke up a few days ago.
Weve been together for two years and we recently broke up. Ive been lying about my porn addiction multiple times and shes been suffering from the betrayal. Just recently, i had to come clean about somethin i lied about relating to porn and we broke up. A day after i told her that ive been lying about my porn usage behind her back and it made things worse. Theres still a small window for us to come back together in the future, but i need to change if that can be an option. Its a gamble, but i want to leave that door open as much as possible too.
Im lurking subreddits about porn betrayal and asking for relationship advice on another. Im also studying books on how betrayal can affect a person to try to really put myself in her shoes. I want to learn about why i felt the need to lie and protect her and myself rather than be honest, i know i have codependent tendencies and have childhood trauma, but im open to any outside sources or books to study this. Im also going to attend my first Porn Addicts Anonymous program today.
I could use advice from anyone who knows about what its like from her position, my own, or personal experience in general. Anything would be helpful and honest/blunt replies/advice is appreciated.
Hi @Fimblethorp. I'm so sorry you had to go through and experience all of that. Porn addiction breaks trust and families and like any other addiction can be really tough to kick. It's great you are seeking help and have someone you are doing it for.
I hope you and your gf work things out. I pray you grow strong enough to confide in her and let her help you, rather than walk alone. I've been addicted to porn for close to 10 years and I know how difficult of a battle this can be. I'm currently 25 years old and still struggling. I just want to encourage you. You might have messed up, but you're gonna get a second chance. In life and maybe with her as well.
Try your best to be patient with her as well as yourself. It's not easy dealing with betrayal, I hope you understand the magnitude of what that means. Once you do, it'll help you be more cognizant of your role in all this, but leading up to and moving forward. Don't demand forgiveness, ask and be patient and kind while she figures out what that means to her and if she wants to.
Above all though, respect her decision. No matter what she decides. You can tell her your feelings in the moment but if she wants to move on, you'll have to give her that respect and yourself as well.
I'm no expert. But I truly and really hope you find some peace out of this and finally overcome this habit. I'm proud of your efforts so far and I hope you find happiness.
Godspeed.