Porn turned me into someone i hate

I had a boyfriend when we were together we had alot of sex. I cannot really move on from him not only because of sex but because i really loved him. Whenever I missed him, i would watch porn to distract myself that we aren’t together anymore. This pandemic I’ve been missing him almost every day which means I’ve been watching porn almost everyday. Yes, I’ve got distracted but I noticed that it was destroying my mental health - im becoming more toxic and toxic; I turned into someone I hated because of porn. My perspective in relationship changed because of it. I am willing to ruin his current relationship just to satisfy my flesh; I am willing to be a side chick for him - for his attention and for satisfaction knowing that I will never be his “main” which ive always wanted. My trauma of becoming a “relationship destroyer” ate me up and become one because of porn.